The Week In Pictures – Week Of June 24, 2013

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Vol 49 Issue 25

The Onion Will Be Euthanizing People For Free This Sunday

Summer is in full effect! And as the nation gears up for three months of beach excursions, poolside barbecues, and lazy afternoons, The Onion would like to remind its readers that this Sunday we are offering free euthanizations to everyone and anyo...

The Onion’s Tips For Securing The U.S.–Mexico Border

Destroy America’s financial, manufacturing, and healthcare sectors, limiting the amount of reasons to ever come in Place one traffic cone right in front of the existing border fence Impeach President Barack Obama On the Mexico side of the border, h...

All-Female Jury To Try George Zimmerman

A jury consisting of six women will determine whether George Zimmerman was acting lawfully under Florida’s Stand Your Ground law when he shot and killed unarmed 17-year-old Trayvon Martin in his gated community in February 2012.

Greatest Coaching Accomplishments In Sports History

With Erik Spoelstra leading the Miami Heat to a second straight NBA championship, Onion Sports examines the most astounding coaching accomplishments in the history of athletic competition. 1955: New York Giants defensive coordinator Tom Lan...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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The Week In Pictures – Week Of June 24, 2013

Michelle Obama Seen Outside Walking Family Rhinoceros
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The Onion Looks Back At 'The Wizard Of Oz'
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Nelson Mandela Admits Thoughts, Prayers Of Millions Played No Part In Recovery
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New Iranian President Really Impressed With Country’s Nuclear Arms Program
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‘Whitey Bulger Ordered The Murder Of 19 People,’ Reports Anonymous Rat Bastard
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Sources: You Don’t Want To Know What Currently Happening To Saudi Arabian Woman
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Will Season Four Of ‘Downton Abbey’ Finally Show The Wizards Using Their Powers?
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Financial Sector Thinks It’s About Ready To Ruin World Again
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Syrian Rebels, Government Think It’s About Time To Call Syria A Day
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Nation Admits It Always A Little Bored By Whole Jimmy Hoffa Thing
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Ahmadinejad Signs On As Dean At Sarah Lawrence
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U.S. Citizenry Admits It Could Kind Of Go For Charismatic Authoritarian Dictator
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Fully Leveled-Up Video Game Character Marvels At How Far He's Come
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Ecstatic American Indians Praise 'The Lone Ranger'
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Nation Currently More Sympathetic To Demise Of Planet Krypton Than Plight Of Syria
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