The Week In Pictures – Week Of June 30, 2014

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Frenzied Trump Supporters Admit They’d Be Just As Happy Tearing Him To Pieces

‘We’re Just Mad And Want To Destroy Something,’ Say Candidate’s Backers

WASHINGTON—Saying they simply needed something to direct their anger toward, the nation’s frenzied Donald Trump supporters admitted Thursday that, if circumstances were different, they would be just as happy tearing the Republican frontrunner to pieces.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Protection

  • Guards Gun Down Four Angels Escaping From Heaven

    THE HEAVENS—Killing four and critically wounding several others, armed guards dispatched from the Right Hand of God reportedly opened fire early Monday morning on a group of angels attempting to escape from heaven. One of the Eternal Kingdom’s...

The Week In Pictures – Week Of June 30, 2014

U.S. Government Sets Aside 600,000 Acres Of Pristine Land For Future Generations To Pollute

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Magical Office Worker Able To Turn Everything He Touches Into More Work For Colleagues

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Coalition Of Buzzed Cousins Issues Annual Greatest Nation On Earth Rankings

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New Report Suggests It Kind Of Weird Baseball Uniforms Have Belts

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Beard Husks On Sidewalk Indicate Start Of Hipster Molting Season

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Report: Only Predictor Of Happy Marriage Is If Husband Ever Won Wife Big Stuffed Animal At Amusement Park

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Report Finds More Americans Putting Off Children Until Companies Are Ready

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‘To Defeat Them, I Must Become Them,’ John Kerry Says While Putting On Black Face Mask

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Report: Shame Of Walking Out Without Buying Anything Drives 90% Of Purchases At Small Businesses

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Humanity Surprised It Still Hasn’t Figured Out Better Alternative To Letting Power-Hungry Assholes Decide Everything

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Conversations Pretty Limited When Friend Not In Midst Of Crisis

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This Minnesota State Museum’s Final Offer To Owner Of Couch From ‘Mary Tyler Moore’ Set

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Astronomers Discover Massive Asteroid That Could Wipe Out Life On Earth, Force Nordstrom Out Of Business

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Report: 76% Of Sleepaway Campers’ Parents Beginning Trial Separation

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Bedtime Story From Fucking Bible Again

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