The Week In Pictures – Week Of June 9, 2014

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Vol 50 Issue 23

Study: ‘Cool Kids’ Struggle As Adults

According to a decade-long study that tracked hundreds of teenagers into adulthood, students who were considered “cool kids” in middle school turned out to have more problems as adults, such as substance abuse and criminal behavior.

Facebook Lifts Ban On Breastfeeding Photos

After drawing criticism for prohibiting photos of breastfeeding mothers under its no-nipples policy, Facebook has quietly lifted the ban and started allowing mothers to post breastfeeding photos without risk of removal, though all other pictures of nipple...

God’s Will Only Thing Keeping AC Unit In Window

States offer millions in tax breaks to any person who says ‘high-tech jobs,’ a child is entertained for five minutes by a toy that will take 1 million years to biodegrade, and God’s will is the only thing keeping an AC unit in a window.

Aunt Enters Ninth Year Of Raving About ‘Wicked’

OGDENSBURG, NY—Praising its vibrant visual effects and declaring multiple songs “absolute showstoppers,” local aunt Treena Warner, 53, informed extended family members for the ninth consecutive year that the Broadway musical Wicked...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

The Week In Pictures – Week Of June 9, 2014

Man Holding Giant Turkey Leg Never Been More Captivating In Entire Life
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New EPA Regulations Would Force Power Plants To Find 30% More Loopholes By 2030
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Single Most Replaceable Person In Company Will Walk If He Doesn’t Get Raise
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Rest Of World Not Biting On Couple’s Open Relationship
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Man Planning To Rub Up Against Strangers Wondering Where Train Is Already
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Residents Plagued By Roving Pack Of Feral Celebrities Living In Hollywood Hills
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New Facebook Feature Scans Profile To Pinpoint Exactly When Things Went Wrong
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Deep Down, Area Man Knows He’s Not Done Vomiting
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Bounty Launches Beginner Series For People New To Paper Towels
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Study Links Drinking While Pregnant To Being At Kid Rock Concert
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Chinese Citizens Observe 25-Year Moment Of Silence For Tiananmen Square Massacre
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God Wonders What Happens To Humans After They Die
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Investigation Of What Fell Off Nightstand Postponed Until Morning
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NYPD Offering No-Questions-Asked DVD Drop-Off
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Dad Clarifies This Not A Food Stop
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