The Week In Pictures – Week Of March 31, 2014

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Vol 50 Issue 13

Cereal Box Characters Lure Children In With Their Eyes

According to new research, the cartoon “spokescharacters” on cereal boxes are purposefully drawn with their stares angled downward to make eye contact with young children, which researchers say raises the trust level between kids and the carto...

Coco Crisp Shyly Asks Bob Melvin If A’s Are Poor

OAKLAND, CA—Upon realizing that opponents always seem to have better facilities, equipment, and players, team sources confirmed Friday that Oakland A’s outfielder Coco Crisp approached manager Bob Melvin and quietly asked whether their team wa...

Date Invites Woman Upstairs To Check Out Red Flags

COLUMBUS, OH—Following an evening spent out at a local brewpub, area man Patrick Fitzgerald took the initiative Wednesday night to invite local woman Alicia Powell up to his apartment to see his glaring red flags, sources confirmed.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

The Week In Pictures – Week Of March 31, 2014

Study: Humans Display Highest Cognitive Abilities When Trying To Retrieve Object Dropped Between Car Seats
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Single Mother Hogging 2 Jobs
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Chorus To ‘Juke Box Hero’ Playing On Repeat In Monk’s Bowed Head
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87% Of Man’s Memories Shame-Based
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City Planner Gets Halfway Through Designing City Before Realizing He’s Just Doing Philadelphia Again
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Lowly Mortal Opens Portal To Hell
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The Onion Reviews 'Noah'
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College Senior Already Has Grueling 14-Month Employment Search Lined Up After Graduation
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Mom Keeps Sending Newspaper Clippings About Former Classmates Who Have Been Murdered
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Nation Rallies Behind Embattled Celebrity Gown
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Report: 95% Of Grandfathers Got Job By Walking Right Up And Just Asking
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White House Sends Obama To 3-Day Management Seminar At Washington Marriott
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All Of Man’s Time-Wasting Websites Exhausted Before Lunch
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Hollywood Maintenance Crews Sent Out To Patch Up Film Industry’s Plotholes
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Charles Barkley Openly Gambling On College Games During CBS Halftime Report
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