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Vol 45 Issue 12

Oh No, Performers Coming Into Audience

PITTSBURGH—"Their smiles are so big," a female theatergoer said while pretending to look for something in her purse. "Why does that one have a cordless microphone? Is he going to try to talk to us?"
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

The Week In Review

Tree Featured In 'The Deer Hunter' Dies
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Hillary Clinton Wows Russians With Poignant Chekhovian Monologue
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Right To Privacy Not Guaranteed By Constitution, Says Supreme Court Justice Peeking In Bathroom Window
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Obama Asks Biden Not To Stand So Close
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Dick Vitale More Sexual During March Madness, Wife Lorraine Reports
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U.S. Troops In Iraq Excited To Finally Return To Afghanistan
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Oh No, Performers Coming Into Audience
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After A 3-Month Staff-Wide Argument, Here's The Onion's 2008 Man Of The Year: Barack Obama
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