The Week In Review

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Vol 45 Issue 39

Cat Congress Mired In Sunbeam

WASHINGTON—"We've come up against an unforeseen circumstance, but we'll resume deliberation and voting as quickly as is reasonably possible," said majority leader and Budget Committee chaircat Sen. Creamsicle (D-ND), stretching out to his entire length and repeatedly kneading the chamber carpet.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Energy

The Week In Review

Outrageous Pictionary Drawing To Go Down In Area Family Lore
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Self-Defense Instructor Simulates Attacker Right Down To Erection
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U.S. Government Finds $20 Trillion Buried By Absentminded Reagan In 1987
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Derek Jeter Honored For Having Fewer Hits Than Harold Baines
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Free-Range Chicken Makes It To Bolivia
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Melting Ice Caps Expose Hundreds Of Secret Arctic Lairs
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Job Became Completely Humiliating So Gradually Area Man Barely Noticed
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How To Stay Goth Past 50
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