The Week In Review

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Vol 46 Issue 14

MLB Opening Day Marred By Strikeouts

NEW YORK—Players, coaches, fans, and Commissioner Bud Selig expressed concern for the state of professional baseball Monday after MLB's highly anticipated Opening Day was "completely ruined" by a rash of strikeouts that began during the afternoon games and didn't end until the day was over.

Presidential First Pitches

The president throwing out the ceremonial first pitch is as revered a tradition as anything in America. We look at some of the most memorable.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

The Week In Review

Pope Vows To Get Church Pedophilia Down To Acceptable Levels
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Area Plant Proudly Displays Leaf
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Man Attempts To Assassinate Obama, 'But Not Because He's Black Or Anything'
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U.S. Government: We Have Not Forgotten About Osaka Binn Rogen
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Tiger Woods Followed Everywhere At Masters By Sex Addiction Sponsor
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Republicans, Leukemia Team Up To Repeal Health Care Law
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Goliath Joins Duke Basketball Team In Victory Celebration
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DEA Official Announces Successful Drug Bust On Son's Room
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Why LeBron James Will Stay In The NBA
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