The Week In Review

In This Section

Vol 46 Issue 31

NFL Fans Turn Out In Droves To Watch Men Touch Cones

NEW YORK—Fans of professional football turned out more than 100,000 strong last week to watch grown men perform calisthenics, huddle around one another, and even run up to and touch orange cones, spokesmen for the NFL said Wednesday.

Illinois Does A Few Adult Films To Make Ends Meet

SPRINGFIELD, IL—After ending the 2010 fiscal year with a record $4.7 billion in unpaid bills, officials say Illinois has been actively pursuing a number of sexually explicit scenes in direct-to-DVD features until it gets back on its feet.

Albert Haynesworth

The Redskins' defensive lineman has a checkered past and is currently struggling to get into condition. Is he any good?
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage



Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

The Week In Review

Trojan Introduces ‘No One’s Pleasure’ Condoms For Bitter, Resentful Couples
Read Full Article
Canvas Shopping Bag Celebrates Third Year On Doorknob
Read Full Article
Guatemalan Flight's Data-Recording Parrot Holds Clues To Crash
Read Full Article
Newly Discovered Documents Shed Light On Nation's Creepy Founding Uncles
Read Full Article
Lady Gaga Kidnaps Commissioner Gordon
Read Full Article
Report: Unemployment High Because People Keep Blowing Their Job Interviews
Read Full Article
Lip-Reading BCS Computer Kills Officials Who Want To Shut It Down
Read Full Article
No Reason You Can't Be Chiropractor Like Your Cousin Jeffrey
Read Full Article
Are Physical Events Truly Individuated On The Basis Of Spatio-Temporal Localization, Or Is This Merely A Convenient Ontological Mode Of Evading The Influence Of Causal Powers? 
Read Full Article
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More