The Week In Review

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Vol 46 Issue 33

NFL Punters Lobby Congress For More Fakes

WASHINGTON—High-ranking NFL punters met with members of Congress Tuesday to lobby for legislation that would significantly increase the number of fake punts across the league.

U.S. Call Centers Cost Same As India

According to the head of the largest call center outsourcing firm in the country, the poor job market has made the cost of hiring a call center worker in the United States the same as hiring one in India.

Mysterious Crate Arrives From London

DOCKSIDE, NEW ENGLAND—Shipman and stevedore alike confirmed that the crate is unpleasantly cold to the touch, and none reportedly wished to remain in its presence for long.

More Teens Suffering Hearing Loss

An analysis of data over a 15-year period shows that 19.5 percent of teens have experienced hearing loss, an increase of nearly a third that is mostly attributable to earbud use.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Energy

The Week In Review

Desperate Pandora Employees Scrambling To Find Song Area Man Likes
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Superhero Never Around When Mild-Mannered Journalist David Brooks Is
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Obama Declares Victory, Sort Of, Depending On How You Look At It, In Iraq
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164 Closeted Gay Men Having Impressive NFL Preseason
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Hollywood Rangers To Manage Overpopulation Problem By Killing Off 1,200 Celebrities
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Fan Wins Auction For Signed Reggie Jackson
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Mysterious Crate Arrives From London
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Owner Of Cheap Motel Fixes Sign To Flicker Just Right
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Two Quarter-Filled Wine Glasses Left On A Table In Front Of A Sunset And Other Ways To Indicate That People Are Fucking In The Other Room
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