The Week In Review

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Vol 46 Issue 47

NBA Ref Accidentally Calls Offsides

SALT LAKE CITY—With 4.3 seconds left on the clock and the Jazz about to inbound the ball, NBA referee Ed Malloy whistled play dead and accidentally called the visiting Bucks for offsides Monday.

Bud Selig Name-Drops Willie Mays At Party

ORLANDO, FL—While attending a recent party following one of Major League Baseball's winter meetings Monday, Commissioner Bug Selig mentioned Hall of Fame outfielder Willie Mays repeatedly throughout the night, recounting numerous anecdotes of meetin...

Enchanting Evening Spent With Parents, Friends Of Parents

LANSDALE, PA—According to delighted reports, 25-year-old Brian Hatcher spent a most exquisite Saturday evening in the enchanting company of not only his parents, Mike, 54, and Diane, 53, but also their dear friends and longtime canasta partners Doug and Trudy Blanchard, both 53.

Barry Sanders

Perhaps the most electrifying running back of all time, Barry Sanders walked away from the game in 1999 to backpack across Europe. Was he any good?
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

The Week In Review

New Evidence Proves First Flag Made By Betsy Ross Actually Shirt For Gay Friend
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Domino’s Surprises Customer With Nice Steak Dinner
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Obama Outlines Moral, Philosophical Justifications For Turkey Pardon
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'L.A. Law' Wikipedia Page Viewed 874 Times Today
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Shaq Shows He Can Still Dominate Around Basket Of Fries
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Frustrated Obama Sends Nation Rambling 75,000-Word E-Mail
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14-Year Anniversary Of 'Crash Bandicoot' Passes By Largely Unnoticed
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Enchanting Evening Spent With Parents, Friends Of Parents
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We Had This Idea For A Cover With A Judge Holding A Baby Rattle Instead Of A Gavel, We're Not Really Sure What To Do With It, Though
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