adBlockCheck

Recent News

‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
End Of Section
  • More News

The Week In Pictures – Week Of July 17, 2017

Advertisement

OxyContin Maker Criticized For New ‘It Gets You High’ Campaign

Go To Article

ER Doctor Excitedly Tells Wife He Got To Use Shock Paddle Thing Today

Go To Article

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

Go To Article

Family Comforted By Thought That Man’s Death Will Prevent Others From Climbing War Memorial To Pretend To Fuck Horse

Go To Article

Gaunt, Sickly Kirby Takes Leave Of Absence From Video Games Following Stomach Cancer Diagnosis

Go To Article

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

Go To Article

Eric Trump Leaves Plate Of Seared Foie Gras Outside Bedroom Door Of Despondent Donald Trump Jr.

Go To Article

Ivana Trump Calls Ex-Husband To Ask Him What He Did To Her Beautiful Baby Boy

Go To Article

Mosquito Confronts Partner After Testing Positive For Zika

Go To Article

Hellmann’s Introduces New Meat-On-The-Bottom Mayo Cups

Go To Article

X Games Dirt Biker Forced To Make Emergency Landing After Bird Gets Caught In Engine

Go To Article

God Falling Under Influence Of Powerful Spiritual Guru

Go To Article

Millions Of Policy Proposals Spill Into Sea As Brookings Institution Think Tanker Runs Aground Off Crimea Coast

Go To Article

Entire NYC Subway System Now Consists Of Single Handcar

Go To Article

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

Go To Article

New X Games Event Just Driving Monster Trucks Off Cliff

Go To Article

Senator Moved To Tears After Reading Constituent’s Heartfelt Check

Go To Article

Habitat For Humanity Investigated For Working Conditions After 92-Year-Old Laborer Collapses On Site

Go To Article

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close