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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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The Week In Pictures – Week Of June 19, 2017

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Birthday Cards From Grandma Becoming More Religious

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Child Getting Pretty Cozy With Stranger’s Leg

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Woman Digs Excitedly Into Ingrown Hair Around Bikini Line Like Grave Robber Pillaging Spoils Of The Dead

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Man In Kitchen Can’t Remember What He Got Married, Bought House, Had 3 Kids, And Came In Here For

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Child Running Around House In Bathing Suit Has No Immediate Plans To Visit Body Of Water

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Pigeon Feels Silly About Still Being A Little Scared Of Plastic Owl

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Donkey Kong Left Off New ‘Super Smash Bros.’ Game After Failing To Make Weight

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Raid Introduces New Box To Cover Bug Until You Work Up Emotional Strength To Kill It

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Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

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Virginia Shooting Somehow Proves What Every Single American Has Been Saying All Along

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Authorities Praise Twitter Users’ Rapid Response To Virginia Shooting

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Scientists Discover New Species Of Reptile Deep Within Amazonian Bulldozer Treads

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J.Crew Debuts New Line Of Stylish Casualwear For Mannequins

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‘New York Times’ VR Program Takes User Inside Immersive, 3D World Of Paul Krugman

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Man Pulling On Loose Hangnail Slowly Unravels Skin From Entire Body

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Heaven Installs Spikes To Keep Cherubs From Shitting On St. Peter’s Gate

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Little Caesars Marketing New Marshmallows ’N’ Gravy Pizza Directly To President

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New Study Finds Best Way To Determine If You Are Android Still Cutting Open Forearm To Reveal Circuitry Within

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MLB Umpires Admit Pitchers Throw Way Too Fast To Actually See Ball

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Archaeologists Discover Fully Intact 17th-Century Belief System In Ohio Congressman

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Beyonce Releases Teaser Foot Ahead Of Birth Of Twins

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‘This Here Is Probably Our Bestselling Love Seat,’ Says Man Who Would Have Been Powerful, Revered Warrior 4,000 Years Ago

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Millions Of Gallons Of Oil Spill Into Washington From Ruptured Rex Tillerson

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

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Report: Today The Day Woman Either Quits Job Or Goes Home And Watches 4 Hours Of Netflix

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Addition Of Ketchup Factored Into Calculation Of French Fry’s Final Temperature

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EPA Unveils Plan To Improve Conditions For Nation’s Sludge

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Hallmark Debuts 1-Square-Inch Father’s Day Card With No Room For Writing Anything

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WWE Staff Forced To Shoot Aggressive Wrestler After Child Climbs Into Steel Cage

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