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What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Contents Of The Voyager Golden Record

Forty years ago this week, NASA launched Voyager 2, which carries a gold-plated record featuring pictures and sounds from Earth as well as scientific information, all of which was carefully compiled in anticipation of a possible extraterrestrial encounter. Here are the contents of the record:
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The Week In Pictures – Week Of March 20, 2017

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Man Putting Off Starting Family To Focus On Treading Water In Career For Few Years

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Bannon’s Cyst Finally Ruptures

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High School Teaches Parenting Skills By Having Students Post Nonstop Photos Of Egg To Social Media

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

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GOP Recommends Americans Set Aside Income From One Of Their Jobs To Pay For Healthcare Under New Bill

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Excited White House Staffer Sends Parents ‘New York Times’ Article Quoting Her As Anonymous Source

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Report: You’re Supposed To Tip Supermarket Cashiers, You Son Of A Bitch

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Dog’s Eye Gunk Wiped Back On Dog

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Lofty Ambitions To Shovel Entire Width Of Driveway Scaled Back To Only Shoveling Thin Path For Car

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Report: You To Learn Names Of 3 Reprehensible Public Officials This Week

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Report: It Unclear Whether Opposition From Every Sector Of American Society Will Have Any Effect On Healthcare Bill Passing

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Woman’s Head Feared Lost Forever Inside Infinity Scarf

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Innovative Business Always On The Cutting Edge Of What Other Companies Have Been Doing For A Few Years

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Newly Discovered Journal Entries Reveal Sacagawea’s Repeated Attempts To Ditch Lewis And Clark

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Report: Saying ‘Smells Okay’ Precedes 85% Of Foodborne Illnesses Annually

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Mitch McConnell Sees Infinite Healthcare Plans After Dropping Acid To Inspire Ideas For Obamacare Replacement

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‘I Have Four Young Children,’ Says Kellyanne Conway In Most Disturbing Public Statement To Date

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Federal Judge Pencils Blocking Trump’s Unconstitutional Executive Orders Into Monthly Schedule

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Trump Says Wasteful NEA Hasn’t Produced Single Valuable Work Since Claes Oldenburg’s ‘Giant Three-Way Plug’

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‘Curses!’ Shouts Fist-Shaking Meals On Wheels Ringleader As Trump Cuts Off Gravy Train

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Report: Oh, Fuck Yeah, Egg Yolk Dripping All Over Sandwich

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Gaunt, Hollow-Eyed Big Bird Enters Sixth Day Of Hunger Strike Against Proposed Trump Budget

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Convict Sentenced To Generating $80,000 To $100,000 In Profits For Private Prison

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Toddler Just Looking For Sensible Mid-Range Tricycle

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