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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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The Week In Pictures – Week Of March 20, 2017

Man Putting Off Starting Family To Focus On Treading Water In Career For Few Years

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Bannon’s Cyst Finally Ruptures

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High School Teaches Parenting Skills By Having Students Post Nonstop Photos Of Egg To Social Media

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

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GOP Recommends Americans Set Aside Income From One Of Their Jobs To Pay For Healthcare Under New Bill

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Excited White House Staffer Sends Parents ‘New York Times’ Article Quoting Her As Anonymous Source

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Report: You’re Supposed To Tip Supermarket Cashiers, You Son Of A Bitch

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Dog’s Eye Gunk Wiped Back On Dog

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Lofty Ambitions To Shovel Entire Width Of Driveway Scaled Back To Only Shoveling Thin Path For Car

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Report: You To Learn Names Of 3 Reprehensible Public Officials This Week

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Report: It Unclear Whether Opposition From Every Sector Of American Society Will Have Any Effect On Healthcare Bill Passing

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Woman’s Head Feared Lost Forever Inside Infinity Scarf

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Innovative Business Always On The Cutting Edge Of What Other Companies Have Been Doing For A Few Years

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Newly Discovered Journal Entries Reveal Sacagawea’s Repeated Attempts To Ditch Lewis And Clark

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Report: Saying ‘Smells Okay’ Precedes 85% Of Foodborne Illnesses Annually

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Mitch McConnell Sees Infinite Healthcare Plans After Dropping Acid To Inspire Ideas For Obamacare Replacement

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‘I Have Four Young Children,’ Says Kellyanne Conway In Most Disturbing Public Statement To Date

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Federal Judge Pencils Blocking Trump’s Unconstitutional Executive Orders Into Monthly Schedule

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Trump Says Wasteful NEA Hasn’t Produced Single Valuable Work Since Claes Oldenburg’s ‘Giant Three-Way Plug’

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‘Curses!’ Shouts Fist-Shaking Meals On Wheels Ringleader As Trump Cuts Off Gravy Train

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Report: Oh, Fuck Yeah, Egg Yolk Dripping All Over Sandwich

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Gaunt, Hollow-Eyed Big Bird Enters Sixth Day Of Hunger Strike Against Proposed Trump Budget

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Convict Sentenced To Generating $80,000 To $100,000 In Profits For Private Prison

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Toddler Just Looking For Sensible Mid-Range Tricycle

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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