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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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The Week In Pictures – Week Of September 11, 2017

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Depressed Cat Just Going Through Motions Of Destroying Couch

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Nation Not Sure How To Describe Mark

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College Freshman Experiences First Tantalizing Taste Of Freedom Waiting In Line At Burrito Station While Parents Find Table

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Democrats Unveil 324 Million New Slogans To Appeal To Each U.S. Resident Individually

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Report: Excitedly Bounding Into Office Remains Leading Cause Of Workplace Injuries

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Report: Country That Might Shut Down Because President Wants Big Wall Somehow Considered Best In The World

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Trump Fulfills Campaign Promise Of Pushing Major Immigration Decision On Someone Else So He Can Watch TV

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Coast Guard Drags Decoy Boca Raton Into Middle Of Ocean In Attempt To Lure Away Hurricane Irma

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Spoon’s Weight Topples Pint In Jarring Reminder Of How Much Ice Cream Area Man Ate In One Sitting

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Aides Clip Toenails, Wash Hair Of Mumbling, Bedsore-Ridden Trump As President Enters 155th Straight Hour Of Watching Cable News

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Bald Man Just Going To Have To Accept Entire Head Will Turn Bright Red From Time To Time

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Kushner Frantically Searching Desk Drawer For Bold Solutions To Today’s Most Pressing Issues

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Food Network Goes Off Air After Every Possible Iteration Of Ingredient Combinations Completed

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Area Man So Sick Of Having To Explain Family Members’ Political Views To Them

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‘Parent Trap’ Producers Recall Euthanizing Lindsay Lohan Clone After Completing Filming

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Palm Tree In Hurricane Irma’s Path Ready To Bend Real Good For Cameras

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Drunk Nutritionists Recommend Eating Entire Frozen Pizza At 3 A.M.

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Authorities On Loudspeaker Plead With Holdout Characters To Evacuate Disney World While They Still Can

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Autoplaying Video Executes Cunning Ambush 45 Seconds After Opening Page

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Bon Appétit Denies Allegations That They Responsible For Millions Of Pro-Quiche Twitter Bots

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‘Flatbread Means Pizza,’ Man Explains To Visiting Father

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Wrapped, Labeled Christmas Presents Already Stacked In Grandmother’s Spare Bedroom

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Physically Fit, Emotionally Stable Kim Jong-Un Addresses UN After Finally Getting Nuclear Ambitions Out Of System

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Guillermo Del Toro Makes First Appearance With New Monster Wife At Venice Film Festival

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

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Clinton Already Working On Follow-Up Book Casting Blame For Failures Of First

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Partisan Differences Set Aside For Congress’ Annual Erotic Masquerade Ball

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Nation’s Nutritionists Confirm Mini Versions Of Food Nummier

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Quaker Releases New Plain Flavor-Blasted Rice Cakes

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Recently Canonized Martyr Added To Vatican’s Animatronic Hall Of Saints

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Bride Always Dreamed About Making Fiancé’s Friends Sweat Asses Off In Fucking Sun

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Equifax Impressed By Hackers’ Ability To Ruin People’s Finances More Efficiently Than Company Can

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Climate Change Denier Battens Down Worldview To Weather Hurricane Irma

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Cruel Broadcast Gods Rip Away Bonus Coverage Of Football Game

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NFL Game Ruined By Asshole Running Onto Field

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More from this section

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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