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Vol 46 Issue 14

MLB Opening Day Marred By Strikeouts

NEW YORK—Players, coaches, fans, and Commissioner Bud Selig expressed concern for the state of professional baseball Monday after MLB's highly anticipated Opening Day was "completely ruined" by a rash of strikeouts that began during the afternoon games and didn't end until the day was over.

Presidential First Pitches

The president throwing out the ceremonial first pitch is as revered a tradition as anything in America. We look at some of the most memorable.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Women

Area Woman's Entire Day Ruined By Bangs
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Hero Woman Changes In Front Of Open Window
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Man Finally Put In Charge Of Struggling Feminist Movement
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Area Woman Only Enjoys Miniature Versions Of Things
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Sexy Career Woman To Take Hot Bath After Stressful Day
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Woman Always Really Excited To Be In Whatever Relationship Status She's Currently In
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Woman Overjoyed By Giant Uterine Parasite
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Female Serial Killer Has To Work Twice As Hard To Achieve Notoriety
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Totally Hot Chick Also Way Psycho
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First-Time Novelist Constantly Asking Wife What It's Like To Be A Woman
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