Atlas Of The Planet Earth

Click on the Onion pins scattered around the globe to reveal mind expanding factoids about the lesser conquerable nations of the Earth. Come back each week to learn more about how little you know.

• Home to one-third of the world's Jews and two-thirds of the world's anti-Semites, the nation of Israel is a place so holy that merely walking in it can gain you a place in the World To Come, nowadays often within minutes.
• Really hot chick with machine gun
• Site where Jesus turned water into 2,000 years of unending conflict
• 1933: Adolf Hitler publicly endorses the Zionists' desire to create a central homeland for all Jews, saying that it would greatly simplify matters if they were all conveniently gathered in one spot.
• Palestinian olive branches used for kindling
• Agnostic holy site
• The area that makes up Israel was promised to the Jews by both God and the UN, but because the legitimacy and power of both entities is only recognized by a handful of people, the land remains contested.
• Area Israel Accidentally Forgot To Fight Over
• The Jews who run the world.
• 2003: Israelis launch 135 missiles into the Mediterranean Sea in retaliation for the drowning death of a Haifa rabbi.
• Brigade of Mitzvah Tanks running over Palestinian children
• The Chosen-To-Suffer People: The Israeli people—also known as the Israeli army—are a diverse mix of olive-skinned men, light-eyed women, and pasty American Jews who moved there for the climate. From an early age, Israelis are introduced to important cultural traditions such as the rapid disassembling, reassembling, and firing of their M-16s with chilling precision from distances of up to 500 yards.
• 1948: 1948 Israel successfully negotiates a 6% land increase.
• 1300 B.C.: Acting on a divine command from Yahweh, Moses and the Jews embark on a 40-year schlep across the desert.
• Road To Peace (construction abandoned in 2002)
• 1998: To safeguard their country from terrorism, the Israeli government imposes a nationwide ban on all packages, cars, Palestinians, and sudden movements.
• Israel's Sacred Whining Wall
• POPULATION 6,276,883 (not including approximately 400,000 ultra-orthodox Jews who consider it an unforgivable sin to be counted) LAST NAMES 14 TRANSPORTATION Complex system of gurneys and ambulances NOTABLE INVENTIONS Bagels and lox, the missile-proof vest

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