BETHESDA, MD—In an effort to make a dent in the arms manufacturer’s excess inventory, members of the Lockheed Martin sales team were reportedly instructed during their staff meeting earlier this week to really push the company’s supply of tactical air-to-surface missiles.
BRISTOL, CT—While looking to retrieve several pages of research notes for an upcoming broadcast of SportsCenter, ESPN anchor Linda Cohn confirmed Thursday that she found what appeared to be Tim Kurkjian’s design for a baseball card of himself sitting in the office printer.
WASHINGTON—In an incredible play that drew cheers from the whole stadium, Washington Nationals left fielder Jayson Werth managed to catch a foul ball Tuesday night without spilling the beer he was holding in his other hand.
SHREVEPORT, LA—Saying the sense of equality and self-worth wouldn’t last much longer, local 5-year-old Jake Williams told reporters Tuesday that she was enjoying the final few weeks before the achievement gap between her and children at better-funded schools really kicked in.
WASHINGTON—Calling the program “the most crucial in the agency’s history,” researchers at NASA announced Wednesday they have successfully deployed a Special Exploratory Rover to Congress as part of an open-ended mission to seek out any possible trace of funding on Capitol Hill.
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox
8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC
Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!
TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.
ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.