Man On TV Urges Mass Purchase Of Listerine

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Vol 46 Issue 31

NFL Fans Turn Out In Droves To Watch Men Touch Cones

NEW YORK—Fans of professional football turned out more than 100,000 strong last week to watch grown men perform calisthenics, huddle around one another, and even run up to and touch orange cones, spokesmen for the NFL said Wednesday.

Illinois Does A Few Adult Films To Make Ends Meet

SPRINGFIELD, IL—After ending the 2010 fiscal year with a record $4.7 billion in unpaid bills, officials say Illinois has been actively pursuing a number of sexually explicit scenes in direct-to-DVD features until it gets back on its feet.

Albert Haynesworth

The Redskins' defensive lineman has a checkered past and is currently struggling to get into condition. Is he any good?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Comfort

  • Entire Room Mentally Shaving Man's Facial Hair

    WHITE PLAINS, NY—Stunned and visibly offended by the sheer volume of facial hair visible before them, every single customer at local diner Hubbard's this morning was reportedly eyeing 28-year-old fellow patron David Kellerman and mentally shaving of...

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

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