Microwavable Steak Renews Area Man's Faith In Humanity

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Vol 44 Issue 13

90210 Being Remade

Nineties teen soap opera Beverly Hills 90210 is being remade with a whole new cast of characters. What do you think?

Dancer Risks Everything

CHICAGO—In a daring show of hip-hop-infused ballet, a Chicago Academy of the Arts student put it all on the line and found the rhythm that was always within her.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

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