Recent News

Report: You Have Won!

Head To To Redeem Your Winnings

WINNER’S CIRCLE—Sources are reporting that you, valued Onion reader, have won!
End Of Section
  • More News

People Saying 'Happy Spring Holiday' Just to Piss Off Bill O'Reilly

Click Play To Listen
0% played
0:00 / 0:00

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.