Science Guy Bill Nye Killed In Massive Vinegar/Baking-Soda Explosion

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Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history

Netflix To Temporarily Remove Every Movie Except ‘Hard Eight’

‘Everyone Should See It At Least Once,’ Company Says

LOS GATOS, CA—Saying that everyone, including all 65 million of its subscribers, really ought to see the film at least once, Netflix announced Tuesday that it will suspend all streaming content except Hard Eight for a full month.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of September 15, 2015

ARIES: Some things only become funny when you look back on them years later. Conversely, the events of next week will seem funny at the time, but as the years go by, society will gain sensitivity and learn to outgrow that sort of thing.

Your Horoscopes – Week of May 1, 2012

ARIES: You will experience unbounded happiness and success in every area of your life this week, unless of course there is something fundamentally and irreversibly wrong with you.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 18, 2015

ARIES: Your feeling of impending doom shall come to nothing again this week as the world continues to turn and your life goes on as normal. Perhaps you should consider feeling useless and stupid instead.

Highlights From ‘Go Set A Watchman’

Harper Lee’s buzzed-about new release, Go Set A Watchman, went on sale last week, taking the world by storm with its new investigations of Scout Finch as a grown woman and its divisive portrayal of her father, Atticus Finch, as a racist figure. Here are some highlights from the new book:

Leonardo DiCaprio Agrees To Donate It-Factor To Science

LOS ANGELES—Saying the gift would immeasurably improve their understanding of the ineffable quality that makes certain big-screen stars positively radiate, researchers at the University of California Los Angeles announced Tuesday that A-list actor Leonardo DiCaprio has agreed to donate his it-factor to science.

How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Comic-Con Survival Guide

San Diego Comic-Con is expected to draw more than 130,000 fans to Southern California this year to participate in cosplaying, attend panels, go to film screenings, and learn more about their favorite series. Here are some tips for surviving the four-day conference

Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 7, 2014

ARIES: Your belief that nothing can stop you will be tested this week by depression, procrastination, concrete barriers, dysentery, armed gunmen, and the unanimous passage of several laws targeted specifically at stopping you.

Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 23, 2015

ARIES: The universe, in all its wisdom, has a plan for everyone. Strangely, you’re supposed to be the nun who holds up a distributor cap and winks while the Nazis try to start their car.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 9, 2015

ARIES: Your death next week will seem in­explicable until people remember the ill-advised 1985 “cross your heart and hope to die” pledge you made to be best friends with Jenny Bosben.

New Music Festival Just Large Empty Field To Do Drugs In

Declaring the event a rousing success so far, organizers confirmed more than 45,000 people turned out Wednesday for the first annual Cavalcade Folk and Roots Festival, a four-day gathering that consists solely of a big empty field to do drugs in.

Director Seeking Relatively Unknown Actress For Next Affair

LOS ANGELES—Saying that he’s going for a certain look and will know it when he sees it, feature film director Peter Hastings, 52, confirmed to reporters Wednesday that he hopes to find a relatively unknown actress for his next extramarital affair.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 26, 2015

ARIES: You’re not sure if your new mousetrap is better, but due to its horrifying use of liquefying blades, the world will beat a path to your door out of sheer morbid curiosity.

Famous Television Finales

The award-winning AMC series Mad Men ended its seven-season run on Sunday night and drew critical acclaim for its final episode, a conclusion that many felt was poignant and satisfying. Here are some other memorable TV finales across the years

Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse

SOUTH BEND, IN—Fifteen years after first envisioning the path he hoped his professional life would take, local man Brent Gibbs is still planning his future around being the drummer for Los Angeles-based alternative rock band Lifehouse, sources confi...

Fox Revives ‘X-Files’: What To Expect

After months of speculation, Fox has announced that it is bringing back its hit ’90s TV show The X-Files, about a team of FBI special agents investigating unsolved cases about strange and paranormal phenomena, for at least six new episodes...

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 24, 2015

ARIES: Your belief that everything happens for a reason may remain unshaken in the face of personal tragedy, but you'll certainly be upset when you find out the reason is "to get the Zodiac some chicks." 

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 10, 2015

ARIES: As long as people don't look too long and the lights aren't too bright, no one will be able to see where they tried to fix your face from what will happen to it this coming Thursday. 

Nation Delighted As Many Famous People In Same Room Together

HOLLYWOOD—Expressing their immense personal satisfaction at the gathering appearing on their television screens, millions of Americans across the country were reportedly delighted Sunday night upon seeing many famous people in the same room together...

Half Of Hollywood Test Group Screened Placebo Film

LOS ANGELES—Saying the methodology helps them ensure unbiased results in their marketing research, studio executives at Paramount Pictures confirmed that during a Hollywood test screening this week they showed half of all theatergoers a placebo film...
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Science Guy Bill Nye Killed In Massive Vinegar/Baking-Soda Explosion
Science Guy Bill Nye Killed In Massive Vinegar/Baking-Soda Explosion
Women In Hollywood Perfectly Okay They Not Represented Behind The Scenes Of ‘The Blacklist’
Women In Hollywood Perfectly Okay They Not Represented Behind The Scenes Of ‘The Blacklist’
Man Who Saw ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ 6 Times Over Holidays Thought It Was Pretty Good
Man Who Saw ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ 6 Times Over Holidays Thought It Was Pretty Good
Guy Wearing Chewbacca Costume Torn Between Seeing ‘Star Wars’ And ‘The Big Short’
Guy Wearing Chewbacca Costume Torn Between Seeing ‘Star Wars’ And ‘The Big Short’
The Onion Reviews ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’
The Onion Reviews ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’
Fan Just Going To Keep Open Mind About Whether New ‘Star Wars’ Best Or Worst Movie Ever
Fan Just Going To Keep Open Mind About Whether New ‘Star Wars’ Best Or Worst Movie Ever
Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’
Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’
Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 8, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 8, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 1, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 1, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 24, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 24, 2015
Nation Demands More Movies Where Guy Reveals He Was Wearing Bulletproof Vest
Nation Demands More Movies Where Guy Reveals He Was Wearing Bulletproof Vest
Brad Pitt Scampers Away From Script After Detecting Musk Of Chris Pine On Pages
Brad Pitt Scampers Away From Script After Detecting Musk Of Chris Pine On Pages
Nation Satisfied As Selena Gomez Completes Transition Into Sexualized Plaything
Nation Satisfied As Selena Gomez Completes Transition Into Sexualized Plaything
Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 17, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 17, 2015
Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’
Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’
Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 10, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 10, 2015
Timeline Of The James Bond Series
Timeline Of The James Bond Series
The Onion Reviews ‘Spectre’
The Onion Reviews ‘Spectre’
Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 3, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 3, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of October 27, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of October 27, 2015
The Onion Looks Back At ‘Back To The Future’
The Onion Looks Back At ‘Back To The Future’
Your Horoscopes - Week Of October 20, 2015
Your Horoscopes - Week Of October 20, 2015
MPAA Adds New Rating To Warn Audiences Of Films Not Based On Existing Works
MPAA Adds New Rating To Warn Audiences Of Films Not Based On Existing Works
Orca’s Successful Trick Rewarded With Bucket Of SSRIs
Orca’s Successful Trick Rewarded With Bucket Of SSRIs
Blood-Drenched Sarah Koenig Announces Topic For Upcoming Season Of ‘Serial’
Blood-Drenched Sarah Koenig Announces Topic For Upcoming Season Of ‘Serial’
Your Horoscopes — Week Of October 13, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of October 13, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of October 6, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of October 6, 2015
Netflix To Temporarily Remove Every Movie Except ‘Hard Eight’
Netflix To Temporarily Remove Every Movie Except ‘Hard Eight’
Your Horoscopes — Week Of September 29, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of September 29, 2015
Screen Actors Guild Develops Retraining Program For 30-Year-Old Actresses Aging Out Of Workforce
Screen Actors Guild Develops Retraining Program For 30-Year-Old Actresses Aging Out Of Workforce
Your Horoscopes — Week Of September 22, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of September 22, 2015
Study Finds Movie Attendance Declining As More Americans Act Out Films At Home
Study Finds Movie Attendance Declining As More Americans Act Out Films At Home
Your Horoscopes — Week Of September 15, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of September 15, 2015
Cat Totally Unaware Its Owner Aaron Eckhart
Cat Totally Unaware Its Owner Aaron Eckhart
Your Horoscopes — Week Of September 8, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of September 8, 2015
Your Horoscopes – Week of May 1, 2012
Your Horoscopes – Week of May 1, 2012
Due To A Scheduling Error, We Sit Down With The Cast Of ‘Empire’ And Mitch McConnell
Due To A Scheduling Error, We Sit Down With The Cast Of ‘Empire’ And Mitch McConnell
ISIS Operatives Destroy Hofner Bass Guitar Signed By Paul McCartney
ISIS Operatives Destroy Hofner Bass Guitar Signed By Paul McCartney
Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 25, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 25, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 18, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 18, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 11, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 11, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 4, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 4, 2015
Humanity Still Producing New Art As Though Megadeth’s ‘Rust In Peace’ Doesn’t Already Exist
Humanity Still Producing New Art As Though Megadeth’s ‘Rust In Peace’ Doesn’t Already Exist
Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 28, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 28, 2015
Fan Has List Of Dream Marketers He’d Love To See Handle Next Spider-Man Film
Fan Has List Of Dream Marketers He’d Love To See Handle Next Spider-Man Film
Highlights From ‘Go Set A Watchman’
Highlights From ‘Go Set A Watchman’
Billcosby.com Now Somehow Most Eerie Site On Entire Internet
Billcosby.com Now Somehow Most Eerie Site On Entire Internet
Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 21, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 21, 2015
Leonardo DiCaprio Agrees To Donate It-Factor To Science
Leonardo DiCaprio Agrees To Donate It-Factor To Science
Harper Lee Announces Third Novel, ‘My Excellent Caretaker Deserves My Entire Fortune’
Harper Lee Announces Third Novel, ‘My Excellent Caretaker Deserves My Entire Fortune’
Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 14, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 14, 2015
How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers
How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers
ZZ Top Reveals Meaning Behind Classic Song ‘Legs’
ZZ Top Reveals Meaning Behind Classic Song ‘Legs’
Comic-Con Survival Guide
Comic-Con Survival Guide
Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 7, 2014
Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 7, 2014
Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 30, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 30, 2015
Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess
Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess
Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 23, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 23, 2015
Comic Book Fans Adamant That Human Torch Be Played By Actor Whose Body Actually Engulfed In Flames
Comic Book Fans Adamant That Human Torch Be Played By Actor Whose Body Actually Engulfed In Flames
Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 16, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 16, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 9, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 9, 2015
‘Game Of Thrones’ Fans Shocked After Some Little Goblin Or Something Killed Off In Last Night’s Episode
‘Game Of Thrones’ Fans Shocked After Some Little Goblin Or Something Killed Off In Last Night’s Episode
The Onion Looks Back At ‘The Goonies’
The Onion Looks Back At ‘The Goonies’
New Music Festival Just Large Empty Field To Do Drugs In
New Music Festival Just Large Empty Field To Do Drugs In
Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 2, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 2, 2015
Disgruntled Bandmates Worried Rivers Cuomo’s Wife Becoming The Fifth Weezer
Disgruntled Bandmates Worried Rivers Cuomo’s Wife Becoming The Fifth Weezer
Director Seeking Relatively Unknown Actress For Next Affair
Director Seeking Relatively Unknown Actress For Next Affair
Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 26, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 26, 2015
Six Flags Adds Sleeper Cars To Its Roller Coasters For Passengers Who Prefer More Restful Ride
Six Flags Adds Sleeper Cars To Its Roller Coasters For Passengers Who Prefer More Restful Ride
Famous Television Finales
Famous Television Finales
Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 12, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 12, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 5, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 5, 2015
‘Avengers’ Sequel Picks Up Where First Film’s Profits Left Off
‘Avengers’ Sequel Picks Up Where First Film’s Profits Left Off
The Onion Reviews 'Avengers: Age Of Ultron'
The Onion Reviews 'Avengers: Age Of Ultron'
Your Horoscopes — Week Of April 21, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of April 21, 2015
Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse
Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse
Your Horoscopes — Week Of April 14, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of April 14, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of April 7, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of April 7, 2015
Chris Hemsworth Deputizes Hunk To Assume ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ Duties In His Absence
Chris Hemsworth Deputizes Hunk To Assume ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ Duties In His Absence
Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 31, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 31, 2015
Fox Revives ‘X-Files’: What To Expect
Fox Revives ‘X-Files’: What To Expect
Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 24, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 24, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 17, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 17, 2015
Vin Diesel Puts On 35 Pounds Of Bone For Upcoming Role
Vin Diesel Puts On 35 Pounds Of Bone For Upcoming Role
The Onion Looks Back At 'The Sound Of Music'
The Onion Looks Back At 'The Sound Of Music'
Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 10, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 10, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 3, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 3, 2015
Catching Up On 2 Seasons Of ‘House Of Cards’ Depressingly Manageable
Catching Up On 2 Seasons Of ‘House Of Cards’ Depressingly Manageable
Report: Only 40% Of Celebrities End Up Marrying Their Stalkers
Report: Only 40% Of Celebrities End Up Marrying Their Stalkers
Your Horoscopes — Week Of February 24, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of February 24, 2015
Person Who Clearly Hasn’t Seen ‘The Fifth Element’ Arguing There No Good Roles For Women
Person Who Clearly Hasn’t Seen ‘The Fifth Element’ Arguing There No Good Roles For Women
Busy Woman Keeps Best-Dressed Oscar Slideshow Tab Open To Be Savored As Sumptuous Feast At Her Leisure
Busy Woman Keeps Best-Dressed Oscar Slideshow Tab Open To Be Savored As Sumptuous Feast At Her Leisure
No One Sure If Academy Awards After-Party Going To Have Food
No One Sure If Academy Awards After-Party Going To Have Food
Nation Delighted As Many Famous People In Same Room Together
Nation Delighted As Many Famous People In Same Room Together
Dolby Theatre Hunchback Stares Longingly At Beautiful Guests From Rafters
Dolby Theatre Hunchback Stares Longingly At Beautiful Guests From Rafters
Hollywood's Biggest Stars Endure Long Lines At Oscars Security Screening
Hollywood's Biggest Stars Endure Long Lines At Oscars Security Screening
Half Of Hollywood Test Group Screened Placebo Film
Half Of Hollywood Test Group Screened Placebo Film
The Onion Film Standard's Oscars Special
The Onion Film Standard's Oscars Special
Complete Fucking Idiot Considers Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov Russia’s Most Inventive Orchestrator
Complete Fucking Idiot Considers Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov Russia’s Most Inventive Orchestrator
Your Horoscopes — Week Of February 17, 2015
Your Horoscopes — Week Of February 17, 2015
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Entertainment

  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

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