Seventy-Two Percent Of High Fives Unwarranted

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Vol 41 Issue 37

Terrell Owens Pre-Emptively Disparages Next Contract

PHILADELPHIA—Eagles wideout Terrell Owens, who recently returned to his team after a training-camp holdout on the second year of his seven-year, $49 million contract, took time Monday to verbally blast the amount, duration, and bonuses of whatever contract he signs next.

Katrina Reporters "Lost It"

American viewers witnessed reporters becoming unusually emotional on camera while reporting on Hurricane Katrina, raising questions about appropriate...

iPod Nano

Apple recently introduced yet another new iPod, a wafer-thin, flash-based unit that marks the fifth product generation for the popular player. What...

Ford Recall

Ford Motor Company recalled 3.8 million pickup trucks and SUVs due to an electrical-system safety issue. What do you think?

Slumping Box Office

Hollywood just had one of its slowest summers at the box office. What is the film industry doing to get people back in theaters?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

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