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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
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Ah, The Beauty Of The Fall TV Season

Is there anything that compares to the majesty of the fall TV season?

In late October, when the last of the repeats fade into darkness, it's time to pour a cup of hot tea, pull a favorite blanket up over your knees, and sit back and watch the network programming change. What a welcome relief it is after all those oppressively hot months of sizzling summer blockbusters!

Sure, the summer movie season, with its exciting trips to the multiplex and dramatic box-office showdowns, has its charms. But by the time the fall season rolls around, I'm good and ready for a break from all that. Fall is when the colors of my Sony 36-inch TV really come alive.

There's so much beauty to behold during the fall TV season: the deep brown of Jessica Alba's hair, the vibrant red and amber hues of Kelsey Grammer's sweater vests, the rustling of Calista Flockhart's skirts. Every year, there are those moments that are absolutely breathtaking, those special times you wait for: the familiar lilting strains of Peter Boyle's voice on Everybody Loves Raymond, the gradual unveiling of a new subplot on Law & Order, the crisp, cool air emanating from ER's Anthony Edwards.

Everything is so magical in the fall, you hardly know where to turn your eyes. Should it be to ABC's The Drew Carey Show? Or to The West Wing on NBC in the same time slot? There are scarcely enough hours in primetime to enjoy it all!

Fall is also the time to reap the benefits of all the seeds planted so carefully in the spring. This year, we found out who the father of Rachel's baby is on Friends, and that Buffy is no longer dead. After months of anticipation, it was worth the wait.

Speaking of waiting, there's less of it during the fall than at any other time of year. Happily, with the days getting shorter, the prime-time lineup comes earlier and earlier each day. You get home from work, turn on the TV, and, before you know it, the Third Rock From The Sun syndicated rerun is over, and primetime programming has fallen upon the land.

While much of the joy of the fall season is seeing the TV seasonal cycle completed with the return of all your favorite shows, fall also affords the opportunity to experience the wonder of the new. Shows like The WB's Smallville, NBC's Crossing Jordan, CBS's The Guardian, and ABC's My Wife And Kids were all welcomed into the world this fall. There's nothing quite like that first taste of the fresh faces the fall has to offer.

For some, the fall is synonymous with hunting season. These adventurous types love searching through TV Guide, never knowing what exciting made-for-TV movie or miniseries will jump out at them next. Meanwhile, for the little ones, the fall season holds no shortage of excitement, either. What child doesn't look forward to all that Halloween fun, from the It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown special to the The Simpsons' Halloween spectacular, not to mention all the fun commercials for candy and costumes?

And, lest you think things peak in October, the fall season gets even better come late November. That's the time of year when, after some shows have flown south, and the dead series have fallen from the line-up, a peaceful calm falls over TV land. There's no longer any movement of shows from time slot to time slot. You'd be hard-pressed to find a better time for TV-star-gazing than a clear, static-less November night. Looking up from my couch to see the bright faces of Will And Grace's Debra Messing and The District's Craig T. Nelson, well, it almost chokes me up.

It is important, though, to remember that fall is not entirely about relaxation and fun. Fall is the time for storing up for the long winter ahead. I've been working hard every day, setting the VCR to tape shows like Inside Schwartz, The Bernie Mac Show, and The Ellen Show before they wither and die, lost forever.

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