adBlockCheck

As Much As I Hated Putting My Dog To Sleep, I Know He'll Feel Better When He Wakes Up

Top Headlines

Recent News

Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Weddings vs. Eloping

Many couples who don’t want to put the time and money toward a wedding simply run off and get married in secret. Here is a side-by-side comparison of planning a wedding and eloping

EPA Urges Flint Residents To Stop Dumping Tap Water Down Drain

FLINT, MI—Citing the significant health and safety risks that it poses to public infrastructure and the local ecosystem, the Environmental Protection Agency released a statement Thursday urging residents of Flint to discontinue dumping tap water down their drains.

New OSHA Regulations To Cut Down On Workplace Mutations

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to address the troubling number of genetic transformations occurring in workplaces across the nation, the United States Occupational Safety and Health Administration unveiled new regulations this week aimed at reducing on-the-job mutations, sources confirmed.

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Upcoming Changes To U.S. Currency

Secretary of the Treasury Jack Lew recently announced a series of significant changes to U.S. currency. Here are some of the more notable alterations on the horizon
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

As Much As I Hated Putting My Dog To Sleep, I Know He'll Feel Better When He Wakes Up

Our beloved Saint Bernard, Buford, has been a part of the Brimble family for almost 16 years now. From the time he was just a puppy, he's been a loyal and loving friend, always right there for me through thick and thin. So, while it sure was tough to bring my pal Buford to the vet this morning and have him put to sleep, it's comforting to know he'll be right back to his cheery old self as soon as he wakes back up.

I'll be honest, when the vet first suggested putting Buford sleep, it didn't make much sense to me. After all, he gets plenty of sleep at home. Why, ever since Buford started getting sick last year, it seems like all he does is sleep! But I just assumed the doctor knew best, and frankly, I was relieved that he didn't need to undergo any kind of serious treatment, or something risky, like surgery or whatnot.

Looks like ol' Buford was just suffering from being a little overtired.

When the doctor—who, by the way, was awfully stuffy about the whole thing—asked me if I wanted Buford put to sleep, I just said, "Sure, why not!" In a way, the timing of putting him to sleep was perfect, because I could run a few errands and grab a bite to eat, then pick him up right before the vet closed. They even asked if I wanted some privacy with Buford first (privacy for what, a bedtime story?), but I just said nah, and told them to do whatever they needed to do while I killed some time at the mall.

The weird thing is, he's only been asleep a couple hours now, but I already miss him terribly. I'm already thinking about how great it'll be to drive around town with my buddy Buford sticking his head out the window, wagging his tongue in the breeze like the happiest dog in the world. You know how they say dogs are man's best friend? Well, Buford is certainly my best friend. Best friend in the whole wide world.

Boy, I can't wait to see him awake again and feeling better.

I have to admit, though, usually Buford loves it when we go driving, but today, instead of jumping straight in once I opened the car door, he seemed kind of weak. In fact, I had to help him up. He's been like that for more than four months now. But, hey, at least that's finally over and my big sleepyhead will be right as rain soon enough.

Still, I was pretty shocked at the size of the syringe they used on him. When they first brought it out, I laughed and said, "Hey, maybe you could give me some of that stuff. I've been working weekends and could use some shut-eye myself!" I just meant it as a little joke, but I could tell immediately by the look on the assistant's face that they were taking this sleep thing pretty seriously.

I don't know what was in that syringe, but whatever it was, it certainly worked! He kicked his legs a few times—probably dreaming of chasing a rabbit or something—and then he was just out. I mean out like a light. I've never seen him sleep so soundly before.

Well, at least Buford's in a better place now—nice, refreshing REM sleep.

I can't wait to pick him up and get him home, though. Just think how well-rested he'll be! I bought a whole bag of doggy treats for him to chew on once he comes back. A little celebration that he's finally feeling better. I can see it now: Buford running in circles around the house, barking up a storm just like he used to before this strange sleep-deprivation illness struck him last May.

God, I love my big boy Buford. I hope he lives forever.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close