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Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Weddings vs. Eloping

Many couples who don’t want to put the time and money toward a wedding simply run off and get married in secret. Here is a side-by-side comparison of planning a wedding and eloping

EPA Urges Flint Residents To Stop Dumping Tap Water Down Drain

FLINT, MI—Citing the significant health and safety risks that it poses to public infrastructure and the local ecosystem, the Environmental Protection Agency released a statement Thursday urging residents of Flint to discontinue dumping tap water down their drains.

New OSHA Regulations To Cut Down On Workplace Mutations

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to address the troubling number of genetic transformations occurring in workplaces across the nation, the United States Occupational Safety and Health Administration unveiled new regulations this week aimed at reducing on-the-job mutations, sources confirmed.

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Upcoming Changes To U.S. Currency

Secretary of the Treasury Jack Lew recently announced a series of significant changes to U.S. currency. Here are some of the more notable alterations on the horizon
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Ask A Chat Room

Dear People Connection: Town Square: Twin Cities,

My next-door neighbors are driving me nuts! Whenever they're bored, they drop by my place unannounced without so much as calling! My privacy is very important to me. How can I make it clear to them that these unexpected visits are totally unwelcome?

—Flummoxed In Florissant

Dear Flummoxed,

d0uGnUtTy: lol Kernow421: any 15/16f wanna chat im me Lazergrrl: whats up, doug? Vader1138: ya but clive revill only did the voice the picture was a woman in monkey eyes machinder: No shit? Threevok: That I didn;t know. d0uGnUtTy: watchin conan Threevok: Did you hear John Rice-davis is Gimli? Lazergrrl: kewl who's on? QTALLOVER: conan is great machinder: its rhys davies Threevok: My bad. d0uGnUtTy: Some bald guy QTALLOVER: for me to poop on Kernow421: any 15/16f wanna chat im me d0uGnUtTy: his shirts not tucked in or nuthin machinder: wife just tol me it's pronouncd ree-dave machinder: davee Kernow421: any 15/16f wanna chat im me Threevok: No kidding? Vader1138: qt got a pic QTALLOVER: yeah hang on Lazergrrl: im hungry Lazergrrl: what should i have? Threevok: Order a pizza. QTALLOVER: vader you got mial d0uGnUtTy: Lazer what u got Vader1138: qt i didn't get it Lazergrrl: salad bannana or chilli QTALLOVER: opps sorry Threevok: Have the chili! QTALLOVER: check again Vader1138: ok Kernow421: any 15/16f wanna chat im me Vader1138: oooo, qt... meesa love you! BlAkE7: lol QTALLOVER: lol thanks QTALLOVER: that is a old pic i lost weight Vader1138: no need you are a hotty Kernow421: any 15/16f wanna chat im me Harrietmandias: evening all. BlAkE7: Kernow, we get the idea machinder: qt can I have the pic DonBoy: HARRIET HOW DO YOU GET SUCH A LONG SN Kernow421: shut up i can talk if i want Harrietmandias: aol allows it now u can get up to 16 letters. machinder: go to a teen room or something Kernow421: u go LuvzGamez: hi Harriet DonBoy: COOL THANKS Harrietmandias: JULIEEEEE! Slugwyrth: hi all Harrietmandias: {{{{{{{hugz julie}}}}}}}

Dear People Connection: Town Square: Twin Cities,

My best friend Amy has the hots for my boyfriend Craig. It's so shameless the way she flirts with him. It's gotten to the point where I'm uncomfortable when the two of them are in the same room together. Craig says I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but I just don't like it at all. Am I being petty and jealous, or should I tell Amy to knock it off and get her own man?

—Perturbed In Perth Amboy

Dear Perturbed,

BACKRUB4U: I TOSed him. he never came back d0uGnUtTy: Vader are you just in here all day long BlAkE7: yeah he is Vader1138: yeah pretty much :P d0uGnUtTy: freaky Vader1138: nutty you mean? DoMeElmo: 6th sense is awesome Harrietmandias: good he deserves it d0uGnUtTy: whatever BACKRUB4U: ya detee712: DOES NE1 KNOW WHERE I CAN GET AUSTIN POWERS SOUNDS DoMeElmo: i see dead people d0uGnUtTy: No need to shout detee BACKRUB4U: but now im lonely Vader1138: was on 71 hours last week detee712: sorry BlAkE7: shagedilic BlAkE7: shagedelic Harrietmandias: awwwwww.... :( detee712: does ne1 know d0uGnUtTy: isnt that a littel pathetic? DonBoy: DETEE WHAT DOES NS MEAN Vader1138: nah its my job detee712: how should i know BACKRUB4U: sigh BRQW3R5e: Click Here For High Quality Porn!!! BRQW3R5e: Click Here For High Quality Porn!!! DonBoy: WELL ITS IN YOUR PROFILE BRQW3R5e: Click Here For High Quality Porn!!! d0uGnUtTy: kewl you work for aol? Chadblimp: any hotties here? 18/m d0uGnUtTy: grr damn porn emails Vader1138: got a pic backrub? detee712: oh non smoking DonBoy: HAY BRQW IGOT SOMETHING YOU CAN CLICK ON IN MY PANTS BlAkE7: ROFL d0uGnUtTy: lol BACKRUB4U: no detee712: by the way no need to shout donboy Harrietmandias: Backrub is a sweetie pie DonBoy: I HAVE TO OR NO ONE LISTENS Vader1138: cool

Dear People Connection: Town Square: Twin Cities,

What's a normal amount of TV to watch in a day? My daughter says my son-in-law has the boob tube on from the minute he's home from work until he goes to bed. And that's not even counting weekends! Does he have some kind of problem?

—Concerned In Concord

Dear Concerned,

d0uGnUtTy: grrr I got booted again! Chadblimp: that sucks d0uGnUtTy: tell me about it Kernow421: any 15/16f wanna chat im me d0uGnUtTy: o no Vader1138: oh great mr personality is back detee712: i am a 16f Kernow421: SHUT UP VADER FUCK U ANYWAY Kernow421: awesome d0uGnUtTy: wow kernow actually scored Vader1138: ya i heard hell froze over today to Chadblimp: lol d0uGnUtTy: yeah and there was peace in the mideast BlAkE7: well gonna hit the hay big day tomorrow nite all Kernow421: DETEE&!@ IS A FUCKIN BITCH LIAR SHES NOT 16 d0uGnUtTy: nite blake Kernow421: DETEE712 I MEAN detee712: hehehehehehe Vader1138: cya blak d0uGnUtTy: boy kern life is tough Kernow421: FUCK YOU ALL IM LEAVING Vader1138: wow kernow sure told us d0uGnUtTy: im devistated by his assault Chadblimp: lol

People Connection: Town Square: Twin Cities is a syndicated columnist whose weekly advice column, Ask A Chat Room, appears in more than 250 newspapers nationwide.

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