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How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

NASA Discovers Distant Planet Located Outside Funding Capabilities

WASHINGTON—Noting that the celestial body lies within the habitable zone of its parent star and could potentially harbor liquid water, NASA officials announced at a press conference Thursday they have discovered an Earth-like planet located outside their funding capabilities.

A Primer On Everyday Sexism

Though opportunities for women have increased considerably over the past century, insidious everyday sexism continues to inform the female experience. Here are some commonly asked questions about this pervasive form of discrimination

Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.

Mom Learns About New Vegetable

MERRILVILLE, IN—Excitedly sharing the news with her husband and two teenage children, local mother Karen Tyson, 49, learned about a new vegetable Wednesday, sources confirmed.

Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.

Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.

Cover Letter Specifically Tailored To Company Even Sadder Than Generic Ones

BEDMINSTER, NJ—Wincing noticeably as they read the applicant’s claim that he has “always wanted to work for the leading midsize pharmaceutical advertising and brand strategy group in the tri-state area,” sources at Percepta Healthcare Communications confirmed Tuesday that a cover letter specifically tailored to their company was much sadder than any of the generic ones they had received for a recently posted job opening.
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Dear People Connection: Town Square: Twin Cities,

My next-door neighbors are driving me nuts! Whenever they're bored, they drop by my place unannounced without so much as calling! My privacy is very important to me. How can I make it clear to them that these unexpected visits are totally unwelcome?

—Flummoxed In Florissant

Dear Flummoxed,

d0uGnUtTy: lol Kernow421: any 15/16f wanna chat im me Lazergrrl: whats up, doug? Vader1138: ya but clive revill only did the voice the picture was a woman in monkey eyes machinder: No shit? Threevok: That I didn;t know. d0uGnUtTy: watchin conan Threevok: Did you hear John Rice-davis is Gimli? Lazergrrl: kewl who's on? QTALLOVER: conan is great machinder: its rhys davies Threevok: My bad. d0uGnUtTy: Some bald guy QTALLOVER: for me to poop on Kernow421: any 15/16f wanna chat im me d0uGnUtTy: his shirts not tucked in or nuthin machinder: wife just tol me it's pronouncd ree-dave machinder: davee Kernow421: any 15/16f wanna chat im me Threevok: No kidding? Vader1138: qt got a pic QTALLOVER: yeah hang on Lazergrrl: im hungry Lazergrrl: what should i have? Threevok: Order a pizza. QTALLOVER: vader you got mial d0uGnUtTy: Lazer what u got Vader1138: qt i didn't get it Lazergrrl: salad bannana or chilli QTALLOVER: opps sorry Threevok: Have the chili! QTALLOVER: check again Vader1138: ok Kernow421: any 15/16f wanna chat im me Vader1138: oooo, qt... meesa love you! BlAkE7: lol QTALLOVER: lol thanks QTALLOVER: that is a old pic i lost weight Vader1138: no need you are a hotty Kernow421: any 15/16f wanna chat im me Harrietmandias: evening all. BlAkE7: Kernow, we get the idea machinder: qt can I have the pic DonBoy: HARRIET HOW DO YOU GET SUCH A LONG SN Kernow421: shut up i can talk if i want Harrietmandias: aol allows it now u can get up to 16 letters. machinder: go to a teen room or something Kernow421: u go LuvzGamez: hi Harriet DonBoy: COOL THANKS Harrietmandias: JULIEEEEE! Slugwyrth: hi all Harrietmandias: {{{{{{{hugz julie}}}}}}}

Dear People Connection: Town Square: Twin Cities,

My best friend Amy has the hots for my boyfriend Craig. It's so shameless the way she flirts with him. It's gotten to the point where I'm uncomfortable when the two of them are in the same room together. Craig says I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but I just don't like it at all. Am I being petty and jealous, or should I tell Amy to knock it off and get her own man?

—Perturbed In Perth Amboy

Dear Perturbed,

BACKRUB4U: I TOSed him. he never came back d0uGnUtTy: Vader are you just in here all day long BlAkE7: yeah he is Vader1138: yeah pretty much :P d0uGnUtTy: freaky Vader1138: nutty you mean? DoMeElmo: 6th sense is awesome Harrietmandias: good he deserves it d0uGnUtTy: whatever BACKRUB4U: ya detee712: DOES NE1 KNOW WHERE I CAN GET AUSTIN POWERS SOUNDS DoMeElmo: i see dead people d0uGnUtTy: No need to shout detee BACKRUB4U: but now im lonely Vader1138: was on 71 hours last week detee712: sorry BlAkE7: shagedilic BlAkE7: shagedelic Harrietmandias: awwwwww.... :( detee712: does ne1 know d0uGnUtTy: isnt that a littel pathetic? DonBoy: DETEE WHAT DOES NS MEAN Vader1138: nah its my job detee712: how should i know BACKRUB4U: sigh BRQW3R5e: Click Here For High Quality Porn!!! BRQW3R5e: Click Here For High Quality Porn!!! DonBoy: WELL ITS IN YOUR PROFILE BRQW3R5e: Click Here For High Quality Porn!!! d0uGnUtTy: kewl you work for aol? Chadblimp: any hotties here? 18/m d0uGnUtTy: grr damn porn emails Vader1138: got a pic backrub? detee712: oh non smoking DonBoy: HAY BRQW IGOT SOMETHING YOU CAN CLICK ON IN MY PANTS BlAkE7: ROFL d0uGnUtTy: lol BACKRUB4U: no detee712: by the way no need to shout donboy Harrietmandias: Backrub is a sweetie pie DonBoy: I HAVE TO OR NO ONE LISTENS Vader1138: cool

Dear People Connection: Town Square: Twin Cities,

What's a normal amount of TV to watch in a day? My daughter says my son-in-law has the boob tube on from the minute he's home from work until he goes to bed. And that's not even counting weekends! Does he have some kind of problem?

—Concerned In Concord

Dear Concerned,

d0uGnUtTy: grrr I got booted again! Chadblimp: that sucks d0uGnUtTy: tell me about it Kernow421: any 15/16f wanna chat im me d0uGnUtTy: o no Vader1138: oh great mr personality is back detee712: i am a 16f Kernow421: SHUT UP VADER FUCK U ANYWAY Kernow421: awesome d0uGnUtTy: wow kernow actually scored Vader1138: ya i heard hell froze over today to Chadblimp: lol d0uGnUtTy: yeah and there was peace in the mideast BlAkE7: well gonna hit the hay big day tomorrow nite all Kernow421: DETEE&!@ IS A FUCKIN BITCH LIAR SHES NOT 16 d0uGnUtTy: nite blake Kernow421: DETEE712 I MEAN detee712: hehehehehehe Vader1138: cya blak d0uGnUtTy: boy kern life is tough Kernow421: FUCK YOU ALL IM LEAVING Vader1138: wow kernow sure told us d0uGnUtTy: im devistated by his assault Chadblimp: lol

People Connection: Town Square: Twin Cities is a syndicated columnist whose weekly advice column, Ask A Chat Room, appears in more than 250 newspapers nationwide.

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