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Revelations From Trump’s Financial Documents

Donald Trump made the financial disclosures this week required of all presidential candidates, divulging his job titles, assets, and other information in a 92-page report. Here are some things we learned about Trump in these documents

What’s Next For U.S.-Cuban Relations

After 54 years of closure, the U.S. embassy in Havana and the Cuban embassy in Washington, D.C. each began flying their flags once more this week, a symbol of the restored diplomatic ties between the two nations. Here is what we can expect from the relationship going forward

Candidate Profile: Scott Walker

Wisconsin governor Scott Walker formally announced Monday that he will run for the Republican nomination in the 2016 presidential election, bringing one of the frontrunners in early polls officially into the race. Here are some key facts to know about Walker

Candidate Profile: Bobby Jindal

Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal declared Wednesday his candidacy for the 2016 presidential nomination, although the Rhodes Scholar and one-time Republican rising star faces difficult odds in a jam-packed primary field. Here’s what you need to know about Jindal

Candidate Profile: Donald Trump

Billionaire real estate mogul and television personality Donald Trump announced Tuesday plans to run in the 2016 presidential election, marking the first time he will formally seek the Republican nomination after floating the idea in several previous election cycles. Here are some key facts to know about Trump:

Candidate Profile: Jeb Bush

Former Florida governor Jeb Bush announced his candidacy Monday for the Republican nomination in the 2016 presidential election, putting one of the early frontrunners in the polls officially into the race. Here are some key facts to know about Jeb Bush:

Candidate Profile: Rick Perry

Former Texas governor Rick Perry announced Thursday his candidacy for the 2016 presidential election, hoping to fare better than he did in his unsuccessful bid for the Republican nomination in 2012. Here’s what you need to know about Perry:

Candidate Profile: Lindsey Graham

South Carolina senator and retired Air Force colonel Lindsey Graham officially announced Monday that he will run in the 2016 presidential race, adding his name to the increasingly crowded Republican field. Here are some key facts to know about Graham

Candidate Profile: Martin O’Malley

Former Maryland governor and Baltimore mayor Martin O’Malley announced Saturday that he will enter the 2016 presidential race, becoming the third Democratic hopeful to officially declare his candidacy. Here are some key facts to know about O’Malley:

Candidate Profile: Rick Santorum

Former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum announced his candidacy for the 2016 presidential election on Wednesday, bringing the runner-up from the 2012 Republican primaries officially into the race. Here’s what you need to know about Santorum:

Features Of The Obama Presidential Library

Barack Obama announced Tuesday that his presidential library will be built on the South Side of Chicago, with construction on the ambitious project due for completion by 2020 or 2021. Here are some features the new library will contain

What Is A Super PAC?

The result of two controversial 2010 federal court cases removing traditional restrictions on political action committee spending, super PACs are expected to have a significant influence on the results of the 2016 elections. Here is everything you need to know about super PACs

Candidate Profile: Mike Huckabee

Former Arkansas governor and Fox News personality Mike Huckabee announced his 2016 presidential candidacy Tuesday, becoming the sixth Republican hopeful to officially enter the race. Here’s what you need to know about Huckabee

Who Is Ben Carson?

Retired neurosurgeon and rising conservative star Ben Carson announced his bid for the presidency Monday, the first African-American candidate of either major political party to do so. Here’s what you need to know about the Republican candidate:

Who Is Carly Fiorina?

Carly Fiorina, a former Silicon Valley executive, announced Monday her candidacy for the 2016 presidential election, becoming the first female Republican hopeful to officially launch a campaign. Here’s what you should know about Fiorina:

Who Is Bernie Sanders?

Independent Vermont senator and self-proclaimed “democratic socialist” Bernie Sanders officially declared his candidacy in the 2016 election Thursday.

Who Is Marco Rubio?

Following similar announcements by Ted Cruz and Rand Paul, Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) has become the third GOP candidate to declare his bid in the 2016 presidential race.

Hillary Clinton To Nation: ‘Do Not Fuck This Up For Me’

WASHINGTON—After several seconds spent sitting motionless and glaring directly into the camera, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton reportedly began Sunday’s video announcing her 2016 presidential bid by warning the nation not to fuck th...

Candidate Profile: Hillary Clinton

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is expected to officially announce her candidacy for the 2016 presidential election on Sunday, putting an end to months of speculation about her plans.

Who Is Rand Paul?

Kentucky senator Rand Paul announced Tuesday his plans to run for president in 2016, with the libertarian becoming the second Republican to officially declare his candidacy.

Gerrymandering Mishap Leaves Nation Without Any Borders Whatsoever

U.S. In Chaos After All District, State, National Boundaries Erased Overnight

WASHINGTON—Urging calm after citizens awoke to find the country’s political boundaries had disappeared completely, authorities announced Thursday that a devastating gerrymandering blunder had left the United States devoid of any district, stat...

Who Is Ted Cruz?

Texas senator Ted Cruz announced Monday that he will run for president in 2016, becoming the first Republican politician to officially declare his candidacy.

U.S. Worried About Living Up To Netanyahu Campaign Promises

WASHINGTON—Saying the Likud Party leader had set Israeli citizens’ expectations extremely high in the run up to his reelection Tuesday, top-level sources expressed their worry Wednesday about whether the United States would actually be able to...

A Timeline Of U.S.-Israel Relations

A congressional visit from Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu that has reportedly rankled President Obama is the latest issue in what have often been strained diplomatic ties between the two countries.

Keystone Veto Buys Environment At Least 3 Or 4 More Hours

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing the numerous ecological benefits of blocking the proposed legislation, experts confirmed Wednesday that President Obama’s decision to veto the Keystone XL pipeline bill should buy the environment an additional three or f...

Obama’s Plan For Fighting Extremism

President Obama spoke before gathered world leaders this week at a summit on extremism, discussing the root causes of such violence, weighing options for combating terrorist groups like ISIS and Boko Haram, and laying out a plan for curbing attacks.

Fact-Checking The State Of The Union Address

Addressing issues ranging from income inequality and tax reform to trade agreements and the Cuba embargo, President Obama offered arguments for a wide range of policy proposals in last night’s State of the Union.

First-Term Congressman Brings Fresh Roadblocks To Table

WASHINGTON—Praising the bold new perspective he has introduced to Congress since being sworn in last week, sources said Monday that first-term representative Barry Loudermilk (R-GA) has already brought a host of fresh roadblocks to the table.

The GOP’s Legislative Agenda

With the GOP formally taking control of Congress today following victories in November’s midterm elections, House and Senate Republicans are in a strong position to push their legislative agenda.

Schlubs From U.S., China Meet In Lowest-Level Talks

BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA—In an effort to strengthen diplomatic ties between the global superpowers’ most oafish representatives, sources confirmed Thursday that schlubs from the United States and China met in Australia this week for a series of low...

How Obama's Immigration Plan Would Work

President Obama has announced that he will take a series of executive actions to protect up to 5 million undocumented immigrants from deportation and help pave the way for those living in the country illegally to become U.S. citizens. Here is a step-by-step look at the president’s plan

Biden Tossed Out Of Car Passing By White House

WASHINGTON—At approximately 2 a.m. Thursday morning, White House sources confirmed that Vice President Joe Biden was forcibly pushed out the rear door of a moving 1980 Lincoln Town Car onto the curb outside 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
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  • Doctors Recommend Getting 8 Centuries Of Cryosleep

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Entertainment

  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Ask A Third Party Candidate

Dear Third Party Candidate,

I like my new job, and my coworkers are great, but I can't seem to convince them that the reason I don't eat their homemade baked goodies is because I'm trying to lose weight, not because of the taste. They still think I'm snubbing them. What should I do?

—15 Pounds Thinner And Counting In Aberdeen

Dear Thinner,

The United States is a de facto oligarchy. We who were born and raised in this so-called land of the free and home of the brave naturally resist such blunt accusations. We all like to believe we live in a free, democratic society. But a child need only observe the antics of the Republicrats and Demo(CRAP)ublicans to quickly realize there is more than meets the eye. Instead of addressing the needs of their constituents, these craven swindlers are more interested in lining their pockets and engaging in absurd intrigues in the corrupt Washington court. But we mustn't be too hard on these men and women. After all, they are only servile footmen carrying out marching orders from a sinister international cult of amoral usurers and fascist sociopaths headquartered variously in Geneva, Rome, and the Hague.

Dear Third Party Candidate,

My husband's rubbernecking is giving me a royal pain! I don't want to be one of those insecure, henpecking wives who goes to pieces every time her spouse gazes at a pretty girl. "Ken" is otherwise very loving and attentive, but he practically ogles them head-to-toe, even when I'm standing right beside him! Would it be out of line to confront him about it, or should I accept the fact that "boys will be boys"?

—Just About Had It In Joplin

Dear Had It,

Because it is the fundamental position of the American Rule-Of-Law Party that individual sovereignty must remain paramount, we cannot brook the hypocrisy of those "conservative" Republicans who claim to reject bureaucratic encroachment on personal freedoms, yet put restrictions on personal behavior (anti-drug laws, anti-sodomy laws). Nor can we rely on "liberal" Democrats, whose efforts to regiment society through excessive taxation and misguided attempts to improve conditions for the poor through social legislation (affirmative action, anti-gun laws) have resulted in a snarl of bureaucracy and crippling litigation whose only beneficiary is an ever-growing swarm of lawyer-profiteers. Both these approaches undermine true democratic freedoms and individual rights to liberty, self-defense, and property. The Rule-Of-Law Party calls for the abolition of any and all restrictions on drug and weapons possession and an immediate suspension of all environmental-protection laws that infringe on the right to property ownership.

Dear Third Party Candidate,

I was touched when my sister, a professional calligraphy artist, offered to do my wedding invitations free of charge. What I didn't realize was how long it would take her to finish them. When the invitations were a week overdue and she still had less than half of them done, I told her I couldn't wait any longer. She told me the guests I had added prolonged her work and that a good job takes time. Now she's threatening to not attend my wedding. Was I being unreasonable?

—Goin' To The Chapel In Chapel Hill

Dear Chapel,

The American Rule-Of-Law Party believes in a strong centralized authority to promote the general welfare and provide for a common defense, as stated in the Preamble of the U.S. Constitution. The United States is too vast to be governed locally. However, the American Rule-Of-Law Party rejects the assumption that a strong centralized authority can abuse its power and make up a mandate as it goes along. It is with this in mind that we call for an immediate dismantling of the U.S. tax code. The labyrinthine bureaucracy of the IRS has supplanted whatever remains of reason and self-determination in the American character. It has crippled free enterprise and curtailed the prosperity of millions of hard-working people. According to the Rule-Of-Law plan, active civic (not civil) service would replace the yearly 1040 tax form and, indeed, our parliamentary governmental structure. (This latter point is a subject on which my shortsighted colleagues in the Libertarian Party are curiously silent.) As in Israel and Switzerland, Americans between the ages of 18 and 27 would be expected to serve in the armed forces for a minimal tour of duty of two years. Americans ages 28 to 55 would be required to serve on reconstructed, quorum-based democratic deliberative bodies, based on ancient Greek models of governance. High offices would be based on Roman models, but individuals who serve in these posts would be selected by a national lottery. Thus, any American age 35 or over, male or female, black or white, gay or straight, religious or atheist, could be chosen president. This will not only eliminate our present corrupt "professional" bureaucratic and political class, but endow Americans with an empowering sense of responsibility not present in these days of media-brokered elections and smothering corporate lobbying.

Dear Third Party Candidate,

I'm guilty of a little fib. I told my boyfriend of two years that I'm his age, 24, but I'm actually 33! I feel guilty for lying, and I want to tell him the truth, but do you think it's too late? Will he hold it against me?

—Little White Liar In LaGrange

Dear Little White Liar,

Accusations put forward by the mainstream media, the Washington political elite, and the Libertarian Party claim that the American Rule-Of-Law Party, its founder (the late Edgar Mayo Sr.), and its current leader (myself, Edgar Mayo Jr.) espouse anti-Semitic and seditious sentiments. The anti-Semitism charge is a tired accusation leveled by individuals who wish to quell genuine and honest public debate, and does not dignify a response beyond our steadfast and long-held assertion that our quarrel has never been with the Jewish people, only the Jewish banking and media elite. Our critics also claim to be horrified by my radical rejection of the U.S. Constitution, particularly Articles I and III, which established both houses of Congress and the Supreme Court. Far more radical to me is the present system, whose structure continues to reflect the anti-pluralistic philosophy of its patrician, slaveholding framers. Only by directly empowering the individual may we guarantee that individual's freedom. A vote for the American Rule-Of-Law Party is neither treasonous nor anti-American; indeed, it is the patriotism of our critics that should be questioned. It is they who stand in direct opposition to government "of the people, by the people, and for the people." Dismiss, also, the prattling of the complacent, blinder-wearing dimwits who accuse me of being a quixotic fool. A vote for me is a vote to reverse centuries of elitism and exploitation and reaffirm the democratic, republican virtues we cherish.

Edgar Mayo Jr. is a syndicated columnist whose weekly advice column, Ask A Third Party Candidate, appears in more than 250 newspapers nationwide.