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Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.

How To Combat Harassment Online

Online harassment is an increasingly contentious issue, with social media sites like Twitter and Reddit pressured to crack down on users’ abusive behavior. Here are The Onion’s tips for combating harassment online:

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

A Timeline Of Trump’s Relationship With The Press

President-elect Donald Trump routinely insists that he is treated unfairly by the press, while many in the news industry have openly expressed how difficult it can be to report on him in today’s chaotic media environment. Here is a timeline of the major events that have shaped this relationship.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

The Pros And Cons Of Universal Basic Income

As Finland tests a program to give a universal basic income to unemployed citizens, many wonder if a similar initiative could work in the United States. Here are some pros and cons of such a program:

What Compromising Information Does Russia Have On Donald Trump?

On Tuesday, it was reported that leaders of American intelligence agencies had given Donald Trump a memo advising that Russia had gathered compromising personal information about him as part of a wider effort to disrupt the election, though these claims remain unsubstantiated and both the president-elect and the Kremlin deny these reports. Here’s a look at what damaging information Russia may have in its possession.
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Ask A Wife Helping Her Husband Back A Camper Into A Park Site

Dear Wife Helping Her Husband Back a Camper into a Park Site,

My parents are getting to that age when they need a little more care. I want to look into assisted living, but my brother is completely against it. The only thing is, my brother lives all the way out in Harrisburg, and he hasn't been around for the last five years. If he's not willing to help out, should his opinion really matter?

Frustrated in Dayton

Dear Frustrated in Dayton,

Okay, honey. Check your mirrors. Make sure the radio's off. Can you see me? All right. Let's take it slow. You got plenty of room. Plenty of room, honey. Okay, here we go. Remember what the guy said, you have to judge the space. That's the key. Okay, here we go. Back it up, slow. Slow now. Slow. Back it up. Back back back, plenty of room still, plenty of room, back back, you're doing great, David, plenty of room. Back back back, cut it a little right. A little right. Stop. STOP! When I say stop, honey, you have to stop. You're cutting it too hard. You gotta straighten it out and go back.

Dear Wife Helping Her Husband Back a Camper into a Park Site,

This allergy season is killing me. And believe me, I've tried everything: Benadryl, Claritin. You name it, I've tried it. My doctor suggested I try allergy shots, but I'm starting to think this whole thing is a lost cause. Any tips on beating the allergy blues?

Stuffed Up in Scottdale

Dear Stuffed Up in Scottdale,

Plenty of room, honey. Remember, if you can't see that pine tree in your rearview it means you've veered too far to the left. Pine tree, left. Visitor's Center, right. You got it, honey. Judge the space. Okay, here we go, back back back, slow, slow, you're starting to go left, David. Where's the pine tree? Can you see the pine tree? Remember, opposite. Opposite! Back back. Okay, looking good, back back, perfect, back back, plenty of room. World of room. Just come straight back, sweetie. I said straight back. No, no. No no no. Stop. Stop. You gotta stop! You're all over the place.

Dear Wife Helping Her Husband Back a Camper into a Park Site,

My coworker, we'll call him "Josh," recently asked me to go out for drinks after work. Normally, this would raise a huge red flag, because my policy has always been not to date coworkers. But "Josh" seems really nice. If there's a chance this could go somewhere, don't I owe it to myself to break my own rule? I'm certainly not getting any younger.

Confused in Colorado

Dear Confused in Colorado,

David, don't go fast. Who are you trying to impress? Don't get frustrated. Who cares if people are staring? I know it's late but your attitude isn't helping right now. Well, turn the darn radio off if you can't hear me. No, David, we can't leave it here and park it in the morning. You need to be more patient. Do you want me to take over? That's what I thought. Well, stop acting like a child, then, and pay attention. Okay. Let's try it again. Back, back. Looking good. Cut it a little right. A little more right. Shoot! Left! I mean left. Sorry, honey. I'm sorry. That one was my fault. I apologize.

Dear Wife Helping Her Husband Back a Camper into a Park Site,

Here's the problem: I grew up without an air-conditioner, and my wife's had one her entire life. Last summer I broke down and bought one, but the electricity bill was enormous. I said we should compromise and only use the air-conditioner on certain days, but my wife said she likes a cool house. I'm out of ideas.

Hot and Bothered in Hartford

Dear Hot and Bothered in Hartford,

Back back. Darn it, David, stop. STOP! Let these people go by first.

Dear Wife Helping Her Husband Back a Camper into a Park Site,

I really enjoyed your response last week to the gentleman trying to save for his son's college tuition. But what about people like me, who, no matter how much they scrimp and save, still always seem to end up in the red?

Discouraged in Duluth

Dear Discouraged in Duluth,

Back, back, cut it, cut it. Looking really good. Plenty of room. Plenty of room, slow, slow, just a little bit more…and…stop. Perfect! That was just perfect. Oh, my God. Thank you so much, sir, for coming out here and helping us. My husband and I really appreciate it.

Wife is a syndicated advice columnist whose weekly column, "Ask A Wife Helping Her Husband Back A Camper Into A Park Site," is featured in over 250 newspapers nationwide.

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