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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Ask Deep Blue

Dear Deep Blue,

I'm 47 years old and just had my first baby after years of trying. My husband and I are thrilled. The problem is, everybody we know keeps telling us we're too old and that it's not fair to the child. Are we just being selfish, or should they butt out of our business?

—Perplexed In Plano

Dear Plano,

0000000111 0001010111 01010001011 0101010101010101010010101010001010101111 010100000000001000001010100000011 01010010010101010100

Dear Deep Blue,

My son died this May after a long and tragic bout with alcoholism. David was just 23. My family and I are overcome with grief. Could you please reprint that beautiful prayer you ran several years ago for parents who have lost a child?

—Heartbroken In Harwich

Dear Heartbroken,

01 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101 0101

Dear Deep Blue,

The daughter of a close family friend is getting married, and we just received the invitation. But as my husband and I were opening it, we noticed it was addressed only to him. Should I ask them about it? I'm sure it was a mistake. But what if it wasn't? Help!

—Snubbed In Snowdon

Dear Snubbed,

11111101 010000000001111111111001 0100111111100001 01001 001 0000001 0101 0101 00111011111111111111111

Dear Deep Blue,

I recently caught my husband taking money from my purse. We have a shared account, so it's not like he's actually stealing, but it just makes me feel like I can't trust him. Should I say something?

—Unsure In Utica

Dear Utica,

000000011100010101110101000 1011010101010101010101001010101000101010 111101010000000000100000101

Deep Blue is a nationally syndicated advice columnist whose column, Ask Deep Blue, appears in over 250 newspapers nationwide.

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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