adBlockCheck

Ask VH1 Behind The Music Host Kris Kristofferson

Top Headlines

Recent News

How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

NASA Discovers Distant Planet Located Outside Funding Capabilities

WASHINGTON—Noting that the celestial body lies within the habitable zone of its parent star and could potentially harbor liquid water, NASA officials announced at a press conference Thursday they have discovered an Earth-like planet located outside their funding capabilities.

A Primer On Everyday Sexism

Though opportunities for women have increased considerably over the past century, insidious everyday sexism continues to inform the female experience. Here are some commonly asked questions about this pervasive form of discrimination

Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.

Mom Learns About New Vegetable

MERRILVILLE, IN—Excitedly sharing the news with her husband and two teenage children, local mother Karen Tyson, 49, learned about a new vegetable Wednesday, sources confirmed.

Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.

Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.

Cover Letter Specifically Tailored To Company Even Sadder Than Generic Ones

BEDMINSTER, NJ—Wincing noticeably as they read the applicant’s claim that he has “always wanted to work for the leading midsize pharmaceutical advertising and brand strategy group in the tri-state area,” sources at Percepta Healthcare Communications confirmed Tuesday that a cover letter specifically tailored to their company was much sadder than any of the generic ones they had received for a recently posted job opening.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Ask VH1 Behind The Music Host Kris Kristofferson

Dear VH1 Behind The Music Host Kris Kristofferson,

Help! My mother is driving me crazy! I'm 26 years old (not exactly an old maid), and all I ever hear from her is, "When are you going to get married?" I have a very full, active life, including a terrific job in advertising and great friends, but all she cares about is that missing ring. How can I get her to quit ringing wedding bells in my ear all the time? Sign me...

—Single And Satisfied In Sacramento

Dear Single,

In 1981, Rick James was riding high. His song "Super Freak" was a massive hit, selling millions of copies and bringing him fame and fortune beyond his wildest dreams. But before long, it all came crashing down around him. Overwhelmed by his newfound superstar status and the rigors of a grueling world tour, James soon developed an $8,000-a-week cocaine habit that further fueled his destructive, insatiable appetite for the opposite sex. By 1990, the nightmare descent into booze and pills had left James bankrupt and very nearly dead. Today, James is back from the brink and has turned his life around. A newly sober, God-fearing family man, he recently returned to the studio for the first time in nearly 10 years, and is working on a new album he says is his best ever. The album is slated to hit stores later this year.

Dear VH1 Behind The Music Host Kris Kristofferson,

Last weekend, I was at a wedding reception, and the bride and groom were looking at a table covered with their still-wrapped gifts. The bride loudly said, "Some of these look too small to be the stuff on the registry. I hope we didn't get cheated." I was beside myself! Am I just being an old fuddy-duddy, or does nobody have manners anymore?

—Appalled In Anaheim

Dear Anaheim,

In 1972, Tanya Tucker was riding high. Her song "Delta Dawn" was a massive hit, selling millions of copies and bringing her fame and fortune beyond her wildest dreams. But before long, it all came crashing down around her. Overwhelmed by her newfound superstar status, the rigors of a grueling world tour and a tempestuous affair with fellow country star Glen Campbell, Tucker soon developed a destructive drinking habit and became a fixture on the Nashville party circuit. By 1980, the nightmare descent into booze and pills had cost Tucker her relationship with Campbell and very nearly her life. Today, Tucker is back from the brink and has turned her life around. Fully clean and sober, she recently starred in a touring production of Annie Get Your Gun and is working on a new album she says is her best ever. The album is slated to hit stores later this year.

Dear VH1 Behind The Music Host Kris Kristofferson,

Boy, could I use your help. I've been offered an amazing job promotion, but it would require me to move to California. The really big problem is, I just recently met this guy I'm completely nuts about. The relationship is barely a month old, but I'd hate to end something that could be really special. Then again, a promotion like this doesn't come along very often. What should I do?

—Confused In Concordia

Dear Concordia,

In 1989, Fab Morvan was riding high. The Milli Vanilli song "Girl You Know It's True" was a massive hit, selling millions of copies and bringing Morvan fame and fortune beyond his wildest dreams. But before long, it all came crashing down around him. Overwhelmed by his newfound superstar status and consumed by a shameful lip-synching secret, Morvan soon developed a destructive drug habit and a crippling case of suicidal depression. By 1993, the nightmare descent into booze and pills had left Morvan bankrupt and very nearly dead. Today, Morvan is back from the brink and has turned his life around. Off the drugs and high on life, he recently returned to the studio for the first time in nearly 10 years, and is working on a new album he says is his best ever. The album is slated to hit stores later this year.

Dear VH1 Behind The Music Host Kris Kristofferson,

I am a closeted lesbian who lives in a small town with a penchant for gossip. I know I would find myself more accepted in a big city somewhere, but I really do love the country life and have no real desire to move. Any suggestions?

—Gay In Galesburg

Dear Galesburg,

Dear Galesburg,
In 1971, I was riding high. My song "Me And Bobby McGee" was a massive hit for Janis Joplin, selling millions of copies and bringing me fame and fortune beyond my wildest dreams. But before long, it all came crashing down around me. Overwhelmed by my newfound superstar status and the pressure to produce more hits, I soon developed a destructive drinking habit and an insatiable taste for the wild life. By 1977, the nightmare descent into booze and pills had left me bankrupt and very nearly dead. Today, I'm back from the brink and have turned my life around. A sober, God-fearing family man and the host of a popular show on VH1, I recently returned to the studio for the first time in years to work on a new album that's my best ever. The album is slated to hit stores later this year.

VH1 Behind The Music Host Kris Kristofferson is a syndicated columnist whose weekly advice column, Ask VH1 Behind The Music Host Kris Kristofferson, appears in more than 250 newspapers nationwide.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close