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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Aw, Fer Crying Out Loud!

Come on! Are you serious? You can’t be serious. Really? Really?

Aw, fer crying out loud!

Wait, wait, wait. Let me get this straight. Just hold up—hold up a sec. I cannot believe this. I absolutely cannot believe any of this. If you’re telling me what I think you’re telling me, then it’s…. Honestly, I don’t even know what to make of it. You gotta be kidding me. Are you kidding me here?

Seriously, is this some sort of big joke? If so, then ha, ha, ha, very funny. If not, then—ay yi yi. I mean, for God’s sake! This is not, this is, this—

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No way. Uh-uh.

Listen to me. Listen to me! Will you cut it out already? Jesus Christ.

Again with this stuff. Again! It’s outrageous—that’s what it is. Completely outrageous. I mean, what the hell? Give me a break here. Give me a fucking break, okay? You come to me with this and then suddenly I’m…now I’m supposed to…supposed to…I just…you’re telling me….

Great. Just great.

What exactly am I supposed to do? Did you stop to think about that? Did you? For chrissakes! To be honest, I’m doing my best not to even think about it, because I really can’t deal with this right now.

First it’s one thing, then it’s another, huh? Is that the way it works? Well then, what’s next?

This is ridiculous. This whole thing’s ridiculous.

I give up. I give up! I’ve had it up to here—up to here, I’m telling you! To hell with it all. Just screw it. That’s how fed up I am at this point. I am completely and totally fed up. Sheesh.

Unbelievable.

Actually, wait, you know what? It is kind of a valid point. In fact, it makes a lot of sense, the more I think about it. So, uh, just let me know if I can do anything to help. All right? Cool.

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