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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Bring It On

Girl, if you have any question in your mind as to whether I can satisfy you, bring your body to me now.

Smoove B will satisfy you.

Bring it on to me, and I will love you like nobody can. I will sex you like nobody can. I will freak you like nobody can.

I am ready for you now.

Lay your body down, and I will show you love. I will drape you in the finest black silks. I will travel to the finest Asian nations to attain this silk. Then, I will run my fingers through your hair. I will caress your body slowly and whisper in your ear while I do so. I will tell you such things as, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world" and "Your skin is like the most expensive Swiss chocolate money can buy" and "Your eyes are like windows to paradise," and other romantic things that will make you tremble with desire.

I will hit you doggy-style.

All you have to do is tell me what to do and when to stop. And I promise, you will not want it to stop until the break of dawn.

Bring your body to me now, and I will show you a night of love that you have never known. I will take you to a level that no lover could ever take you. We will be in the atmosphere. I will take you higher and higher, to heaven and even further. We will be love astronauts, colonizing other planets with our passion. We will bump to Jupiter. Grind to Pluto.

Damn.

The next morning, I will cook breakfast for you. I will fry up several eggs, each in a different style for you to choose from. There will be scrambled eggs, fried eggs, boiled eggs, baked eggs and even egg sandwiches. There will be a smorgasbord of taste sensations for your tender lips to enjoy.

I will then pick a beautiful red rose from outside the bedroom window and put it in an elegant glass vase upon your food tray. The tray will be only the finest food tray from the far reaches of the earth.

I will also serve cereal.

Aw, please, girl. Bring your sugar to me, and I will show you that my back is strong. You will ride me all day and all night and will never want to stop.

Baby, I want your brown sugar right now. Freak me on my desk right this second. Give it up to Smoove B. Take a ride on his Caravan of Love.

I am the man of your dreams and desires. I will satisfy you, if only you would allow me the pleasure. I will swear on my honor as a man that I will do you right until the morning light. I will fulfill your every wish. And I will use oils if necessary.

So, in conclusion, let me summarize by saying that I will drape you in silk and hit you doggy-style, then I will feed you eggs of every kind and variety, and my back is strong.

Bring it on.

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