Ha! Ha! Ha! I Can’t Believe How Funny This Sitcom Is!

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Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history

Netflix To Temporarily Remove Every Movie Except ‘Hard Eight’

‘Everyone Should See It At Least Once,’ Company Says

LOS GATOS, CA—Saying that everyone, including all 65 million of its subscribers, really ought to see the film at least once, Netflix announced Tuesday that it will suspend all streaming content except Hard Eight for a full month.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of September 15, 2015

ARIES: Some things only become funny when you look back on them years later. Conversely, the events of next week will seem funny at the time, but as the years go by, society will gain sensitivity and learn to outgrow that sort of thing.

Your Horoscopes – Week of May 1, 2012

ARIES: You will experience unbounded happiness and success in every area of your life this week, unless of course there is something fundamentally and irreversibly wrong with you.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 18, 2015

ARIES: Your feeling of impending doom shall come to nothing again this week as the world continues to turn and your life goes on as normal. Perhaps you should consider feeling useless and stupid instead.

Highlights From ‘Go Set A Watchman’

Harper Lee’s buzzed-about new release, Go Set A Watchman, went on sale last week, taking the world by storm with its new investigations of Scout Finch as a grown woman and its divisive portrayal of her father, Atticus Finch, as a racist figure. Here are some highlights from the new book:

Leonardo DiCaprio Agrees To Donate It-Factor To Science

LOS ANGELES—Saying the gift would immeasurably improve their understanding of the ineffable quality that makes certain big-screen stars positively radiate, researchers at the University of California Los Angeles announced Tuesday that A-list actor Leonardo DiCaprio has agreed to donate his it-factor to science.

How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Comic-Con Survival Guide

San Diego Comic-Con is expected to draw more than 130,000 fans to Southern California this year to participate in cosplaying, attend panels, go to film screenings, and learn more about their favorite series. Here are some tips for surviving the four-day conference

Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 7, 2014

ARIES: Your belief that nothing can stop you will be tested this week by depression, procrastination, concrete barriers, dysentery, armed gunmen, and the unanimous passage of several laws targeted specifically at stopping you.

Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 23, 2015

ARIES: The universe, in all its wisdom, has a plan for everyone. Strangely, you’re supposed to be the nun who holds up a distributor cap and winks while the Nazis try to start their car.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 9, 2015

ARIES: Your death next week will seem in­explicable until people remember the ill-advised 1985 “cross your heart and hope to die” pledge you made to be best friends with Jenny Bosben.

New Music Festival Just Large Empty Field To Do Drugs In

Declaring the event a rousing success so far, organizers confirmed more than 45,000 people turned out Wednesday for the first annual Cavalcade Folk and Roots Festival, a four-day gathering that consists solely of a big empty field to do drugs in.

Director Seeking Relatively Unknown Actress For Next Affair

LOS ANGELES—Saying that he’s going for a certain look and will know it when he sees it, feature film director Peter Hastings, 52, confirmed to reporters Wednesday that he hopes to find a relatively unknown actress for his next extramarital affair.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 26, 2015

ARIES: You’re not sure if your new mousetrap is better, but due to its horrifying use of liquefying blades, the world will beat a path to your door out of sheer morbid curiosity.

Famous Television Finales

The award-winning AMC series Mad Men ended its seven-season run on Sunday night and drew critical acclaim for its final episode, a conclusion that many felt was poignant and satisfying. Here are some other memorable TV finales across the years

Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse

SOUTH BEND, IN—Fifteen years after first envisioning the path he hoped his professional life would take, local man Brent Gibbs is still planning his future around being the drummer for Los Angeles-based alternative rock band Lifehouse, sources confi...

Fox Revives ‘X-Files’: What To Expect

After months of speculation, Fox has announced that it is bringing back its hit ’90s TV show The X-Files, about a team of FBI special agents investigating unsolved cases about strange and paranormal phenomena, for at least six new episodes...

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 24, 2015

ARIES: Your belief that everything happens for a reason may remain unshaken in the face of personal tragedy, but you'll certainly be upset when you find out the reason is "to get the Zodiac some chicks." 

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 10, 2015

ARIES: As long as people don't look too long and the lights aren't too bright, no one will be able to see where they tried to fix your face from what will happen to it this coming Thursday. 

Nation Delighted As Many Famous People In Same Room Together

HOLLYWOOD—Expressing their immense personal satisfaction at the gathering appearing on their television screens, millions of Americans across the country were reportedly delighted Sunday night upon seeing many famous people in the same room together...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Ha! Ha! Ha! I Can’t Believe How Funny This Sitcom Is!

Ooh! Here comes the best show on television! I wonder what kind of hilarious antics these so-and-so's get into this week. Ooh! Ooh! Here comes the first line of the show. Oh goodness! The redheaded one just said she "ralphed!" I have never heard a more humorous utterance in all my life!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Oh my. That was a doozy. Why, I haven't laughed that hard since the final line of the last episode! They get me every time. Every time! This show is so funny, I can't believe they couldn't find a live audience to actually laugh at it!

Whoa, there goes that sassy brunette emasculating one of her male companions! I think this calls for an especially loud bit of laughter with perhaps a guffaw thrown into the middle! Ha! Ha! HA! Ha! Ha! That was clearly the funniest moment so far!

Boy, there's nothing like a good laugh to release the tension after a long, hard day at work. We all could use some lighthearted entertainment, couldn't we? And you don't even have to really get the joke or see why it's funny—just sit back and follow my lead. Come on, loosen up a little! Oh, wait, here comes another one-liner...get ready for it, now...

Ha! Ha! HA!

Is this fun or what?! The writers of this show are visionaries in their field. Who ever could have thought up such a rambunctious exchange of good-natured ribbing as I have just witnessed? It is both perfectly timed and completely inoffensive! I find myself wishing I had similar friends who were as quick-witted and engagingly neurotic. Hold on—the tall lanky one is having a comically physical overreaction to a situation that hardly calls for it! That makes me want to laugh steadily for a full nine seconds, and then taper off so as not to drown out the next line of dialogue.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Haha. Ha. Ha.

What will they think of next? I can't imagine them topping that last number. Nothing on Earth could make me laugh exactly that way again. Unless…oh my! That fellow's pants are too short for his body! Ha! Ha! Ha! Whistle! This is the perfect way to spend every Monday evening from 9:30 to 10 p.m.!

Oh goodness! It looks like the complex plan the men have concocted to get women to sleep with them has gone hilariously awry! What a surprising turn of events! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! [APPLAUSE.]

That last joke was so sidesplitting, it almost makes me wish some anonymous technician in a postproduction bay somewhere would make me louder, so I could laugh at it even harder than I already am—oh look, one did! HA! HA! HA! Thanks, sound man! I'm so glad we could all share in this laughter together.

Oh, what a good-timey, comical family situation! Aren't we all just having a blast? Why, I could watch this show all day long without ever losing my enthusiasm for clever catchphrases, pratfalls, crazy mix-'em-ups, and numerous scenes in which a man has a conversation with a woman and his friends stand behind the woman making wild hand gestures to convey to the man when he has said something he shouldn't be saying.

Uh–oh! What do we have here? A particularly colorful recurring character I recognize has entered the room! I must mark this occasion with riotous applause and perhaps a whistle. Whoo! [APPLAUSE.] Whoo! Whoo! Oh, that Barney. Chasing after some woman again, no doubt! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Just thinking of what he might do when a woman enters the room is enough to launch me into a fit of snickering, knowing laughter. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Now I will remain perfectly silent to take in the two or so minutes of dramatic plot development. During times like these, I like to reflect on some of my favorite moments from past shows, like the time the redheaded one said "ralphed." Hold on, I believe someone just broke the tension with an inopportune comment, which is even more hilarious when juxtaposed with the gravity of the situation. HA! Ha! HA! HA!

Wow! That was a big one! I simply adore How I Met Your Mother, and hope everyone will use my regularly scheduled outbursts of laughter as cues for punch lines so that even the most jaded and passive of viewers will be able to laugh at the correct moments! My, what a glorious medium television has turned out to be!

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