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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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I Am Fun

I am fun.

I enjoy fun. I both have fun and can be fun. Fun is a word that accurately describes me and a large quantity of things of which I am fond. I appreciate fun when I encounter it, and I have even been known to partake in activities that produce fun for myself and others. Fun is something I often have when amongst a group of people. In such situations, I am capable of amusing others and, in turn, of being amused by them.

Thus, I am a fun person.

Perhaps it would be helpful for me to provide an example of a fun thing I do. I take part in levity. I enjoy jokes, which are fun. When the occasion presents itself, I have been known to make jokes of my own, thereby creating fun for those around me. This is because, like many other people I encounter, I have a sense of humor. A sense of humor is crucial to having fun and to being fun. When situations are humorous, I signal my recognition of the fun by laughing, just as you do. Just as most people do.

Furthermore, as indirect evidence of the fact that I have a fun disposition, I do not like things that are not fun.

Although stating that I am fun and that I like fun establishes these qualities of my character sufficiently, I can also cite several instances in which I have demonstrated my fun side in public forums. I have been fun on broadcasts of late-night television programs. I have been fun on multiple social media platforms, wherein I can also be witnessed taking a carefree approach to life. If you have observed me in one of these settings, you have likely already concluded that I am a fun individual.

Furthermore, as indirect evidence of the fact that I have a fun disposition, I do not like things that are not fun.

Among my activities and areas of interest, I have identified several that strongly indicate I possess the quality of being fun. They are as follows: Recreation. Smiling. Entertainment of all kinds. Meeting people. Local sports teams. Mainstream popular culture. My friends, who are numerous and include Dianne Feinstein, Colin Powell, Tim Geithner, and Tony Blair. Fun books. Travel. Exercise. Chatting.

Being a grandparent is fun. It is also a way in which I am similar to others. This is a fun topic through which I can connect with many people. My grandchild’s name is as follows:

Charlotte.

Did I mention that I enjoy free time? Free time is when I generally have the fun I have mentioned above, and when I am the most fun myself. This is not to say I am not fun at other times, because I can be fun in any context as long as it is not inappropriate to do so. But I have found that free time is among the best times for fun. Do you agree? Perhaps this is yet another way in which you and I are similar.

You have seen how fun I can be, and that I do not take myself too seriously. Because of this, I am relatable.

I have completed my argument, but I would like to reiterate the fact that I take pleasure in having fun and being fun, just like the majority of Americans. Americans such as yourself. Now that I have presented adequate evidence for the existence of my fun, accessible nature, there will be no need to revisit this subject going forward. Thank you.

I am fun.

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