I Can Love You Like That

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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • The Onion’s Guide To Beach Etiquette

    The arrival of summer means that the nation’s beaches will soon be crowded with swimmers, tanners, surfers, and more, so it’s important for everyone to be conscious of each other’s space and needs. Here are some etiquette tips to ensure that everyone has a safe and relaxing time at the beach:

I Can Love You Like That

They read you Cinderella, you hoped it would come true, and one day a Prince Charming would come rescue you. You like romantic movies, and you never will forget the way you felt when Romeo kissed Juliet.

And all this time that you've been waiting, you don't have to wait no more.

I can love you like that. I would make you my world. Move heaven and earth if you were my girl. I would give you my heart, be all that you need, show you you're everything that's precious to me. If you give me a chance, I can love you like that.

I never make a promise I don't intend to keep, so when I say forever, forever's what I mean. Well, I'm no Casanova, but I swear this much is true: I'll be holding nothing back when it comes to you.

You dream of love that's everlasting. Well, baby, open up your eyes.

I can love you like that. I would make you my world. Move heaven and earth if you were my girl. I would give you my heart, be all that you need, show you you're everything that's precious to me. If you give me a chance, I can love you like that.

If you want tenderness, I got tenderness. And I see through to the heart of you. If you want a man who will understand, you don't have to look very far. I can love you. Girl, I can love you, love you.

I can love you like that. I would make you my world. Move heaven and earth if you were my girl. I would give you my heart, be all that you need, show you you're everything that's precious to me. I can love you like that. I can love you, always kiss and hug you. Baby, be mine, my one and only girl.

I would give you my heart. My heart. My heart. My world. Show you you're everything. Oh, you're everything to me. Love you like... I can, I can love you. If you let me love you... heaven and earth if you were my girl... my, my girl... I would give you my heart... my world... show you you're everything.

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