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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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I Can Love You Like That

They read you Cinderella, you hoped it would come true, and one day a Prince Charming would come rescue you. You like romantic movies, and you never will forget the way you felt when Romeo kissed Juliet.

And all this time that you've been waiting, you don't have to wait no more.

I can love you like that. I would make you my world. Move heaven and earth if you were my girl. I would give you my heart, be all that you need, show you you're everything that's precious to me. If you give me a chance, I can love you like that.

I never make a promise I don't intend to keep, so when I say forever, forever's what I mean. Well, I'm no Casanova, but I swear this much is true: I'll be holding nothing back when it comes to you.

You dream of love that's everlasting. Well, baby, open up your eyes.

I can love you like that. I would make you my world. Move heaven and earth if you were my girl. I would give you my heart, be all that you need, show you you're everything that's precious to me. If you give me a chance, I can love you like that.

If you want tenderness, I got tenderness. And I see through to the heart of you. If you want a man who will understand, you don't have to look very far. I can love you. Girl, I can love you, love you.

I can love you like that. I would make you my world. Move heaven and earth if you were my girl. I would give you my heart, be all that you need, show you you're everything that's precious to me. I can love you like that. I can love you, always kiss and hug you. Baby, be mine, my one and only girl.

I would give you my heart. My heart. My heart. My world. Show you you're everything. Oh, you're everything to me. Love you like... I can, I can love you. If you let me love you... heaven and earth if you were my girl... my, my girl... I would give you my heart... my world... show you you're everything.

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