I Can't Believe I'm Being Forced To Sit On This Couch While Jay Leno Interviews Josh Hartnett

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Netflix To Temporarily Remove Every Movie Except ‘Hard Eight’

‘Everyone Should See It At Least Once,’ Company Says

LOS GATOS, CA—Saying that everyone, including all 65 million of its subscribers, really ought to see the film at least once, Netflix announced Tuesday that it will suspend all streaming content except Hard Eight for a full month.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of September 15, 2015

ARIES: Some things only become funny when you look back on them years later. Conversely, the events of next week will seem funny at the time, but as the years go by, society will gain sensitivity and learn to outgrow that sort of thing.

Your Horoscopes – Week of May 1, 2012

ARIES: You will experience unbounded happiness and success in every area of your life this week, unless of course there is something fundamentally and irreversibly wrong with you.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 18, 2015

ARIES: Your feeling of impending doom shall come to nothing again this week as the world continues to turn and your life goes on as normal. Perhaps you should consider feeling useless and stupid instead.

Highlights From ‘Go Set A Watchman’

Harper Lee’s buzzed-about new release, Go Set A Watchman, went on sale last week, taking the world by storm with its new investigations of Scout Finch as a grown woman and its divisive portrayal of her father, Atticus Finch, as a racist figure. Here are some highlights from the new book:

Leonardo DiCaprio Agrees To Donate It-Factor To Science

LOS ANGELES—Saying the gift would immeasurably improve their understanding of the ineffable quality that makes certain big-screen stars positively radiate, researchers at the University of California Los Angeles announced Tuesday that A-list actor Leonardo DiCaprio has agreed to donate his it-factor to science.

How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Comic-Con Survival Guide

San Diego Comic-Con is expected to draw more than 130,000 fans to Southern California this year to participate in cosplaying, attend panels, go to film screenings, and learn more about their favorite series. Here are some tips for surviving the four-day conference

Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 7, 2014

ARIES: Your belief that nothing can stop you will be tested this week by depression, procrastination, concrete barriers, dysentery, armed gunmen, and the unanimous passage of several laws targeted specifically at stopping you.

Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 23, 2015

ARIES: The universe, in all its wisdom, has a plan for everyone. Strangely, you’re supposed to be the nun who holds up a distributor cap and winks while the Nazis try to start their car.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 9, 2015

ARIES: Your death next week will seem in­explicable until people remember the ill-advised 1985 “cross your heart and hope to die” pledge you made to be best friends with Jenny Bosben.

New Music Festival Just Large Empty Field To Do Drugs In

Declaring the event a rousing success so far, organizers confirmed more than 45,000 people turned out Wednesday for the first annual Cavalcade Folk and Roots Festival, a four-day gathering that consists solely of a big empty field to do drugs in.

Director Seeking Relatively Unknown Actress For Next Affair

LOS ANGELES—Saying that he’s going for a certain look and will know it when he sees it, feature film director Peter Hastings, 52, confirmed to reporters Wednesday that he hopes to find a relatively unknown actress for his next extramarital affair.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 26, 2015

ARIES: You’re not sure if your new mousetrap is better, but due to its horrifying use of liquefying blades, the world will beat a path to your door out of sheer morbid curiosity.

Famous Television Finales

The award-winning AMC series Mad Men ended its seven-season run on Sunday night and drew critical acclaim for its final episode, a conclusion that many felt was poignant and satisfying. Here are some other memorable TV finales across the years

Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse

SOUTH BEND, IN—Fifteen years after first envisioning the path he hoped his professional life would take, local man Brent Gibbs is still planning his future around being the drummer for Los Angeles-based alternative rock band Lifehouse, sources confi...

Fox Revives ‘X-Files’: What To Expect

After months of speculation, Fox has announced that it is bringing back its hit ’90s TV show The X-Files, about a team of FBI special agents investigating unsolved cases about strange and paranormal phenomena, for at least six new episodes...

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 24, 2015

ARIES: Your belief that everything happens for a reason may remain unshaken in the face of personal tragedy, but you'll certainly be upset when you find out the reason is "to get the Zodiac some chicks." 

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 10, 2015

ARIES: As long as people don't look too long and the lights aren't too bright, no one will be able to see where they tried to fix your face from what will happen to it this coming Thursday. 

Nation Delighted As Many Famous People In Same Room Together

HOLLYWOOD—Expressing their immense personal satisfaction at the gathering appearing on their television screens, millions of Americans across the country were reportedly delighted Sunday night upon seeing many famous people in the same room together...

Half Of Hollywood Test Group Screened Placebo Film

LOS ANGELES—Saying the methodology helps them ensure unbiased results in their marketing research, studio executives at Paramount Pictures confirmed that during a Hollywood test screening this week they showed half of all theatergoers a placebo film...

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 6, 2015

ARIES: One of the worst moments of a person's life is when they finally realize that they're mortal and are going to die, especially when it's a person like you who only sees the cement truck at the last second.
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Special Coverage



College Freshman Decides To Be Lanyard-Wearing Kind

ANN ARBOR, MI—Emphasizing that this was not a choice he had made lightly, University of Michigan student Kevin Peterson told reporters Thursday that he had officially decided to become one of the lanyard-wearing kind of freshmen.

I Can't Believe I'm Being Forced To Sit On This Couch While Jay Leno Interviews Josh Hartnett

Don't get me wrong: It's great being on the show. Love Jay, love the audience, really. And this Josh…Hartnett, is it? He seems like a good kid. Reminds me a little of myself before I hit it big. I honestly think it's great to see him up there telling Jay how "weird" it was to do his first sex scene and all, but I'm just a bit worried that some people might be a little put off by the fact that I am asked to "scoot over" while Jay Leno interviews someone else.

I know, I can hardly believe it myself.

Believe me. I will move over. Always do. I'm a professional actor, after all, so I'm accustomed to adapting to strange and completely unbelievable situations. Remember the time on ER when I saved that boy who was trapped in a flash flood while the local news crews filmed the daring rescue? If I could make that look realistic, it should be a piece of cake to convince 11 million viewers that I flew in from Italy just to sit quietly off camera and listen to Josh Hartnett tell stories—none of which involve cowriting the critically acclaimed Good Night, And Good Luck, mind you.

Look, I'm just happy that I got to show the audience a clip of a movie I directed and starred in, Leatherheads, and chat for a few with Jay about how "sophisticated" my performance was in Michael Clayton, which left theaters less than eight weeks ago. To even have the opportunity to get up there is absolutely amazing, and I still can't get over the fact that so many people seem to think I'm good at what I do. Once again, though—no offense to Josh here—I can only lean casually into frame and deliver one of my disarming and self-effacing asides so many times before it gets a little, well, not cool.

I know asking the guest to "stick around" is tradition, but so was curing baldness with leeches until someone realized it didn't make any sense at all.

Let's just analyze this logically. Over there, you have Jay Leno, who doesn't break eye contact with me the whole time I'm there, despite the fact that he's supposed to be asking Josh Hartnett if he's got any pets. Next, we have Josh Hartnett, who not only has to follow the crackling excitement over the first guest, but also has to convince the crowd that the new vampire movie he's in is more interesting than the fact that George Clooney just pulled his pant leg down a quarter of an inch. Then there's me—hey!—just hanging out slightly to the left of frame for the next eight minutes or so.

Don't mind. Little old. Me.

Now, I understand why I was brought out first. It's important to give the people what they want or they'll switch the channel and start watching O Brother, Where Art Thou? on Showtime. But by now they're thinking, "My, my, that George Clooney! What a class act. The way he still pulls pranks on his costars is so down to earth, and he just gives you this sense that he always knows the score. I find myself liking him despite—wait. What's this? Why is he standing up? Is he going off to make another fantastic Steven Soderbergh movie?"

Don't worry, folks. I'm still here, having a fantastic time clearing the way for a guy from one of those '70s shows. After all, I wouldn't want to be the kind of well-respected celebrity who can be named People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive twice but not have the grace and humility to share the spotlight with a nice young guy like Jake. Josh. Otherwise people might get tired of hearing about the challenges of choosing new and compelling roles for more than 25 years while keeping your integrity in a business that is basically dependent on either selling out or burning out. Or how to be known simultaneously as a sex symbol, a man's man, and a genuine talent.

I'm sorry. I always blab on and on and make a big bore out of myself. If I could make this all better by wrinkling my brow, I would, but that wouldn't exactly be fair, now, would it. Oh, well. Next thing you know they'll be asking me to help the musical act carry their amps onstage.

And I'd do it. Would Josh Hartnett do it?