I Had The Idea For YouTube Back In 2010

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Humanizing Detail Tacked Onto End Of New Board Member’s Bio

NEW YORK—In an effort to portray the recent appointee as something more than a lengthy list of job titles and academic credentials, the bio of new Brickell Capital board of directors member Michael G. Horvath reportedly featured a single humanizing detail tacked onto the very end, sources reported Tuesday.

Never-Before-Heard Buzzword Flying Around Office Can’t Be Good

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Best Buy Employee Wearing Different Colored Shirt For Some Reason

‘His Shirt Is Black,’ Confused Customers Say

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Taco Bell To Offer Discreet Purchasing Charged Under ‘TBfoodsLLC’

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Netflix To Temporarily Remove Every Movie Except ‘Hard Eight’

‘Everyone Should See It At Least Once,’ Company Says

LOS GATOS, CA—Saying that everyone, including all 65 million of its subscribers, really ought to see the film at least once, Netflix announced Tuesday that it will suspend all streaming content except Hard Eight for a full month.

Twitter Announces There No Trending Topics Today

‘Maybe Something Will Catch On Tomorrow,’ Social Network Says

SAN FRANCISCO—Noting the lack of any social causes, amusing hashtag games, or major news stories currently stimulating public conversations on their site, Twitter officials announced Monday that there are no trending topics today, but suggested that perhaps something might catch on tomorrow.

CEO Has Big Ideas To Grow Company’s Problems

NEW YORK—Laying out several new initiatives and detailed plans for implementing them in the upcoming weeks and months, Janneson Media CEO Adam Hamlin revealed to his staffers Thursday that he has some really big ideas for growing the company’s problems, sources reported.

45-Minute Phone Call To Credit Card Company Goes Great

FORT WAYNE, IN—Grinning with contentment as he reminisced about the call he placed earlier in the day, 31-year-old accountant Greg Schulhoff told reporters Thursday that his 45-minute phone call with MasterCard regarding late payment fees went “really great.”

Goodwill Executives Arrested After Years Of Skimming Donated Goods Off Top

ROCKVILLE, MD—In what authorities are calling one of the most wide-reaching and deplorable cases of embezzlement in recent history, seven executives at Goodwill Industries International were arrested Thursday for allegedly skimming used clothing, old furniture, small appliances, and thousands of other donated items from the charitable group.

Q-Tips Introduces New Multi-Speed Electric Ear Swab

ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, NJ—Saying the product will allow for more efficient and thorough cleaning, representatives from the Unilever corporation announced Tuesday the addition of a multi-function electric ear swab to its longstanding Q-tips line.

New Pre-Sauced Napkins Can Be Thrown Away Straight From Package

CINCINNATI—Describing it as a major time-saver over traditional napkins, Procter & Gamble announced Thursday the release of its new Bounty pre-sauced napkins, which have been expressly designed to be removed from the package and immediately thrown into the trash.

Timeline Of Google’s History

Google recently announced the formation of Alphabet, an umbrella corporation that will separate the company’s internet search business from its forays into robotics, biotechnology, and other areas of innovation. Here are some of the most notable milestones in Google’s 17-year history:

Tips For Cheaper Airfare

Whether the busy travel season, fuel prices, or airline collusion is to blame, airfare is currently very pricey, making traveling more difficult. The Onion walks you through some ways to reduce the cost of flying

Online University Allows Students To Amass Crippling Debt At Own Pace

SAN DIEGO—Touting its wide range of financially ruinous academic programs that can be tailored to meet anyone’s scheduling needs, officials at Enterprise College announced Monday that the online institution is committed to letting students amass a crippling amount of debt at their own individual pace.

Invasive Restaurant Franchise Spreads To Third State

WASHINGTON—Noting that it had already disrupted several natural communities in Kansas and Iowa, officials from the Bureau of Consumer Protection revealed Tuesday that Bonito’s, a highly invasive strain of casual dining restaurant, had recently been spotted in parts of eastern Nebraska.

Listerine Introduces New Mouth Styling Gel

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—Announcing that consumers no longer need to settle for plain, drab dental features, Johnson & Johnson unveiled its new line of Listerine mouth styling gels Wednesday.

Executive On Hot Streak With 2 Straight Logical Decisions

CHICAGO—Saying the impressive display of business sense came entirely out of nowhere, employees of public relations agency Davidson Communications confirmed Wednesday that CEO Donald Marshall was on an absolute hot streak after making two straight logical decisions.

McDonald’s Turns 75

Today marks the 75th anniversary of the McDonald’s restaurant chain, which was founded in 1940 as a Southern California barbecue joint and has since expanded to more than 35,000 locations across the globe. Here are some highlights from the company’s history

Corporate Wellness Programs

Following in the footsteps of Google’s new employee meditation program, companies across the country are introducing more wellness initiatives aimed at keeping health care costs down and boosting worker productivity.

The Pros And Cons Of Open-Plan Offices

More companies are remodeling offices to incorporate open-plan layouts in an effort to save money and encourage collaboration, though many employees complain that the setup eliminates privacy and makes it hard to concentrate.

Walmart Vows To Defend Whichever Gays Buy Their Cheap Shit

BENTONVILLE, AR—Despite Governor Asa Hutchinson’s refusal to sign a controversial religious freedom bill that seemed to permit businesses to discriminate against homosexuals, officials from Arkansas-based retailer Walmart announced Wednesday t...

How Cable Companies Plan To Fight Cord Cutting

More consumers than ever are “cord cutting,” or getting rid of their cable service in favor of watching shows online, challenging the cable industry to launch new initiatives in order to keep customers.

Fast Food Customers Less Appealing Than In Commercial

GREENVILLE, SC—Expressing his disappointment shortly after sitting down for lunch at a local franchise location Wednesday, area man Peter Strauss told reporters that the customers at Burger King were actually far less appealing in real life than the...

Pfizer Mercifully Puts Down Another Batch Of Trial Patients

NEW YORK—Following unforeseen complications during a trial of the company’s new cholesterol medication Lipodrin, researchers at pharmaceutical manufacturer Pfizer said they were forced to put down another batch of test patients out of mercy Fr...
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I Had The Idea For YouTube Back In 2010

YouTube is one of the biggest sensations on the web today. Chances are you've visited the site numerous times, and maybe you've even uploaded a video of your own. It's such a popular site that practically everyone in the world is tripping all over themselves praising the guys who invented it as "geniuses" and "brilliant innovators" and all kinds of other baloney. Well, you can talk all you want about how far ahead of the curve the YouTube guys were, but what if I told you I had the idea for YouTube back in 2010?

Yes, you heard right. I thought up the concept of a website solely devoted to Internet videos two whole years ago, before anyone even knew what an online video was—way before!

You may find it hard to believe, but all the way back then I was saying people would want to watch videos on a single site. It's true. I was even predicting that web users would like to have access to a large store of videos, watch them all for free, and send out links from their favorite clips to friends. Mind you, this wasn't a couple weeks ago or even last year—I've been saying this for 24 months! No joke.

In fact, I can still remember exactly when the idea first came to me: I was watching a video file on my laptop when it just struck me. I thought to myself, hey, Jack, why not have one convenient online platform where users can watch all the video clips they want whenever they please? Wouldn't it be amazing if such a thing existed?

I even wrote it down to ensure I remembered it: "website with online videos." It felt so exhilarating to come up with an idea so bold, so groundbreaking.

Of course, this was all the way back in the era of 3G, before anyone had ever heard of an iPad 2. But even back then, something inside me told me the future was videos on the Internet. I just knew things were headed in that direction.

That's why it was so shocking when I went online a few months ago and came across this site YouTube. When I saw it, I immediately thought, hey, sharing videos online is my idea! What I was describing two years earlier is exactly what YouTube is doing now. I was like, excuse me, did someone go all the way back in time to the summer before last, take my precise plan, and then put it on the web? I was blown away!

I'm not saying YouTube stole the idea from me. But can you imagine where I'd be right now if I had put in the effort and launched my own YouTube way back then? Wow! More than 4 billion clips are viewed on YouTube each day, and the company is worth billions and billions of dollars. I have to admit, it kind of gets under my skin that I came up with that exact idea and could have had it up online in late 2010 or early 2011.

When you think about it, that could have been my company!

Now, I know exactly what you're thinking: He has to be exaggerating—there's no way he came up with that idea when he says he did. But trust me, it was 2010, I swear. It was right after the series finale of this old show called Lost, during those fraught middle years of President Barack Obama's first term when the nation was mired in a tepid economic recovery.

Or you could just ask my friends, family, or co-workers. Two years ago, I was telling anyone who would listen about my billion-dollar idea. I remember they all just gave me the oddest looks, smiling and nodding at me as if I were a madman.

I guess I probably sounded like I'd lost my mind, yammering on and on all those months ago about how cool it would be to allow site users to comment on videos, replay them as much as they wanted, and maybe even rate them. It may have seemed pretty outlandish then, but now everyone can see just how visionary my concepts were!

Looking back on it, I can't believe I failed to act on such a golden idea when it was still fresh and new in mid-2010. I just wish I'd possessed the wherewithal to see my idea through to reality. I know it would have been tough, but I was still young then, just 37. Now, though, I'm pushing 39, and who knows if I'll ever have another shot at a crazy dream like that again?

That's the way life is, I guess. But next time you're on YouTube, just remind yourself that if Jack McCullagh had his way, you could have been enjoying the wonders of online video two whole years ago. Imagine that.