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How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
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Entertainment

I Just Discovered This Hilarious Comic Strip Called 'Garfield'

I don't usually spend a lot of time reading the comics pages (you know me: straight to the real-estate section!), but last weekend I found this great new one called Garfield. Man, oh, man, I suggest you remember the name, because it's going to open up a whole new world of entertainment for you. Trust me. You're going to love it.

Okay. First off, he's a cat. But not just any ordinary cat—as if! He's a lazy, fat cat with a whooooooooole lot of attitude. I'm cracking up right now just thinking about him! This cat has an in-your-face approach to dealing with life, that's for sure, and he doesn't care what anybody thinks about it.

I know, I know, at first I had the same reaction you must be having right now: How can an animal display human characteristics? It's just not plausible. But once I got over that initial hurdle, I realized that, odd as it may sound to the uninitiated, there's actually a great deal of comic possibilities in that crazy, seemingly impossible premise.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. You're probably a little confused, taking in so much new information at once. Let me slow down and give you some specific examples, just to convey the general gist of this irrepressible kitty.

Oh, Garfield.

Where to begin, where to begin. There's so much to tell you! Okay. Garfield—who always has this expression of "Yeah, whatever"—lives with his human owner, Jon, whom he just so happens to drive absolutely bonkers with his cynical ways. There's also a dog whom our feline friend does not like at all. (His name's Odie, and he really gets on Garfield's nerves.) All Garfield cares about is eating, and guess what his favorite food is? Lasagna! It's totally fattening, but he eats it anyway, even though he's already fat. He just doesn't care. But that's Garfield for you.

Oh, by the way, don't get him started on weight loss. When it comes to dieting, his attitude is "die" with a "T"! I'd like to see that on a T-shirt. In fact, I bet there's a lot of money to be made with such a venture, if the cartoonist could just be convinced to take a chance on the idea. Anyway, when Garfield's not eating, the only other thing he cares about is—you'll never guess this one—sleeping. You think that's funny? Guess where he sleeps. In pans of lasagna. Can you believe it? Who would ever sleep in a lasagna pan? Well, Garfield, that's who! He loves both so much that he's willing to combine them into one sidesplitting, perfectly irreverent visual combination you have to see to believe.

Garfield's always a bit of a grouch, but there's one day you really don't want to mess with him. Monday. Oh, boy. I've never met anyone who hates Mondays quite as much as this wicked kitty! But, I've got to tell you, as ornery as he is about it, part of me can't blame him. After a nice, relaxing weekend, who in their right mind would look forward to another five days of work (or putting up with Odie's incessant slobbering!) before it's Friday again? Ugh! I thought, "Hold on—this Garfield guy's been reading my mail!" And that's the way it is panel after panel after panel.

He may be one rude dude, but his offbeat quips are a real kick-in-the-pants reality check, Garfield style.

I was so impressed that I asked some of my coworkers about him. Apparently he's been around for a while and he's even in a couple of movies! They star someone named Bill Murray, whoever that is. From what I understand, Garfield himself is up there on the screen, walking and talking like in the cartoon drawings, but in live action, just like any other actor. I guess they can do just about anything with computers these days.

I could go on and on, but you've really got to check it out yourself. Just look in the newspaper under comics, and you'll find it in there. If you can't find it, I have some clippings I could lend you as long as you get them back to me. I promise, this cartoon cat is like nothing you've ever encountered in your life. Forget propriety, forget politeness—when it comes to saying what's on his mind, this is one wisecracking feline who leaves the rule book at home!

This guy is going to be huge—and no, I don't just mean fat.

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