I Lied About Making $80,000 Working From Home... And So Can You!

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Listerine Introduces New Mouth Styling Gel

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—Announcing that consumers no longer need to settle for plain, drab dental features, Johnson & Johnson unveiled its new line of Listerine mouth styling gels Wednesday.

Executive On Hot Streak With 2 Straight Logical Decisions

CHICAGO—Saying the impressive display of business sense came entirely out of nowhere, employees of public relations agency Davidson Communications confirmed Wednesday that CEO Donald Marshall was on an absolute hot streak after making two straight logical decisions.

McDonald’s Turns 75

Today marks the 75th anniversary of the McDonald’s restaurant chain, which was founded in 1940 as a Southern California barbecue joint and has since expanded to more than 35,000 locations across the globe. Here are some highlights from the company’s history

Corporate Wellness Programs

Following in the footsteps of Google’s new employee meditation program, companies across the country are introducing more wellness initiatives aimed at keeping health care costs down and boosting worker productivity.

The Pros And Cons Of Open-Plan Offices

More companies are remodeling offices to incorporate open-plan layouts in an effort to save money and encourage collaboration, though many employees complain that the setup eliminates privacy and makes it hard to concentrate.

Walmart Vows To Defend Whichever Gays Buy Their Cheap Shit

BENTONVILLE, AR—Despite Governor Asa Hutchinson’s refusal to sign a controversial religious freedom bill that seemed to permit businesses to discriminate against homosexuals, officials from Arkansas-based retailer Walmart announced Wednesday t...

How Cable Companies Plan To Fight Cord Cutting

More consumers than ever are “cord cutting,” or getting rid of their cable service in favor of watching shows online, challenging the cable industry to launch new initiatives in order to keep customers.

Fast Food Customers Less Appealing Than In Commercial

GREENVILLE, SC—Expressing his disappointment shortly after sitting down for lunch at a local franchise location Wednesday, area man Peter Strauss told reporters that the customers at Burger King were actually far less appealing in real life than the...

Pfizer Mercifully Puts Down Another Batch Of Trial Patients

NEW YORK—Following unforeseen complications during a trial of the company’s new cholesterol medication Lipodrin, researchers at pharmaceutical manufacturer Pfizer said they were forced to put down another batch of test patients out of mercy Fr...

Benadryl Introduces New Non-Drowsy Allergy Dart

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—Promising consumers rapid relief from seasonal allergies without any drowsiness, Johnson & Johnson announced the release Friday of Benadryl Pierce, a new blowgun-administered antihistamine dart that will soon be available in dr...

Timeline: The Collapse Of RadioShack

Electronics retailer RadioShack filed for bankruptcy after 94 years in business, ultimately unable to keep up with consumers’ shift to the wireless and digital technologies of the internet age.

Company To Experiment With Valuing Employees

SAN DIEGO—Cautioning that the initiative was being instituted on a trial basis only, Forrest Logistics CEO Wayne Gartner announced Thursday that the company had recently begun experimenting with valuing its employees.

Most Controversial Super Bowl Commercials

The commercials airing during the Super Bowl each year have become incredibly popular in their own right, and nearly every broadcast seems to include at least one ad met with criticism from audiences, media critics, and others.

The Pros And Cons Of Fracking

Gas prices are plummeting across America thanks in part to the country doubling its daily oil exports, which is made possible by chemical fracturing technology that scientists have said wreaks havoc on the environment.

KFC, Midas Team Up For Much-Anticipated Crossover Meal

LOUISVILLE, KY—Saying the new product brings together the best that two of America’s most trusted brands have to offer, fast food giant KFC and automotive service chain Midas introduced their long-awaited crossover meal, the Road Bucket, this ...

Corporate America Shaken By Death Of Longtime Consumer

CHARLESTON, SC—Expressing shock and an immense sense of grief, numerous high-ranking figures across corporate America were reportedly left shaken Friday after learning of the sudden death of longtime consumer Arthur Henderson. Executives within the ...

Boston Cruise Line Introduces New Whale Ramming Tour

BOSTON—Offering what they describe as an “unforgettable” opportunity to get “up close and personal” with the region’s marine life, sources confirmed this week that Boston-based cruise line Harbor Excursions has begun op...

Moronic Mailroom Worker Worked Way Down From CEO

NEW YORK—Marveling at just how far he has plummeted since taking charge of the company 18 years ago, moronic former CEO Douglas Kellerman regaled reporters Tuesday with the discouraging story of how he worked his way down to the mailroom of MetroCom...

Bank Of America Introduces New $50 Underdraft Fee

CHARLOTTE, NC—Saying the penalty will cover the costs incurred by the financial institution whenever a customer makes a withdrawal that results in a positive account balance, Bank of America introduced a new $50 underdraft fee Tuesday on all checkin...

Startup Very Casual About Dress Code, Benefits

AUSTIN, TX—Touting the business’s laid-back, nontraditional corporate culture, Go-Go Maps founder and CEO Mike Hannasch explained to reporters Thursday that his company is pretty casual when it comes to employees’ dress code and benefits...
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I Lied About Making $80,000 Working From Home... And So Can You!

DO YOU WANT TO MAKE MORE MONEY? Have you ever dreamed about working from the comfort of your own home? Do you wish you could be your own boss, working as much or as little as you like?

I know I've had these thoughts, but that kind of success always seemed out of my reach. After all, what chance do I have of striking it rich? I'm almost 40 with NO SKILLS, NO COLLEGE EDUCATION, and NO CREDIT. Well, that's precisely why I developed the Instant Money Invention Plan. It changed my life... in an instant! From the very first day, I was able to tell my friends and neighbors that I made $80,000 a year working from home! It was SO EASY! I needed NO SPECIAL TRAINING, and there were NO STARTUP COSTS.

With the Instant Money Invention Plan, you, too, can tell people that you've achieved financial independence without even breaking a sweat. DO NOT miss out on this amazing opportunity!

To get you started right away, call for our special informational packet. You'll learn everything you need to know to convince people you are making more money than you've ever dreamed possible. Soon, you'll be saying, "It was so easy!" and "It only took a few minutes a day!" and "Finally, I have the home and car I've always wanted!"

How does it work, you ask? It's simple! All you have to do is make up a story about your AMAZING FINANCIAL SUCCESS. Soon, everyone you know will hear how you made $7,000 in your first month!

Do you own a computer? Do you know the location of a gas station with a copy machine? If the answer to either question is yes, you can send letters to thousands of people you don't know and tell them YOU ARE MAKING YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE! What are you waiting for?

Wouldn't you like to see your picture in newspapers and magazine ads? Could you imagine seeing your glowing recommendation for the Instant Money Invention Plan in a mass e-mail originating from an untraceable location? Everyone will hear about the fortune you claim you made!

Why slave away at a job, barely eking out a living, when you could have any salary you dream of? How much money do you want to say you make? $25,000? $250,000? $1 MILLION? How about $500 KAZILLION? THE SKY'S THE LIMIT! If you can say the number, you can tell people that's how much money you make!

Best of all, you will pay NO TAXES. And, because you are not taking in any money, this plan is 100% legal. The Instant Money Invention Plan may not be ethical, but it is TOTALLY LEGAL!

This is NOT a multi-level marketing scam. It is not one of those make-money-at-home schemes that don't work. You will not be selling term life insurance. You will not be selling a bunch of worthless products nobody wants. With the amazing Instant Money Invention Plan, you will not be selling ANYTHING. All you will be doing is lying. That's all!

Thousands of Americans receive tax-free money from the government for education, new businesses, and so on. But the problem with these money-making schemes is YOU DON'T QUALIFY. You would have to actually go to school or start a business to get a piece of that pie. But can you lie? YES, YOU CAN! You've done it a million times in your life, to a million people—your ex-wife, your parents, the departmental supervisor at your former job. With the Instant Money Invention Plan, all you have to do is lie about something else... your salary!

Wouldn't it be great to work from the comfort of your own living-room couch, sitting back and watching the money roll in? Of course it would. Unfortunately, there's no such thing. But I'm not talking about some get-rich-quick scheme. I am talking about FOOLING PEOPLE into THINKING you've gotten rich quick.

Wouldn't you like to call up that pretty girl you've had your eye on and say, "Let's go on a luxury Caribbean vacation next month, my treat"? As long as the date for the cruise is far enough in the future, you've got no problems. Why? Because THE FUTURE IS WIDE OPEN. After all, no one can call you a liar and confront you about something that hasn't happened yet.

What do you want? A beach house? A new sports car? Your own private jet? It could all be yours in the future! It's up to YOU to start talking about it TODAY!

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