I Will Be Drawing The Comical Strips This Week

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New York City Abuzz Over New Resident

NEW YORK—With word spreading rapidly through office towers, apartment buildings, and across all five boroughs, sources confirmed Friday that New Yorkers were abuzz over reports that a new resident had moved to the city.

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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

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I Will Be Drawing The Comical Strips This Week

This Sunday past my nurse was reading me the comical cartoon amusement supplements. At first I was dead-set against the idea of such a supplement, when the space could be used for advertisements. But the idea grew on me, and now I have come to enjoy my favorite funny drawings and their droll foibles! My particular pets are the rotund lad who cannot stop eating and the lowborn Irish family who throws crockery at itself.

But when my nurse read the page to me, she began to describe a number of odd and unamusing scenes that did not seem the least bit familiar. I was informed of, among other things, the adventures of a young lady who scandalously works and lives alone, and a family of dough-faced brats who stupidly mispronounce common vernacular.

I could barely contain my rage. How dare these miserable attempts at humor replace my beloved favorites! Well, I'm putting an end to this nonsense. I have decided to pull the offending comical panel strips and draw one myself.

This comical strip is entitled The Amusing Gent and His Dog. I admit that my drawing is a bit ungainly, since my hands are wracked with arthritis and lumbago, but I guarantee the following discourse between the gentleman and his dog is funnier than anything you will see in the Sunday supplement.

First, you must pretend that the man is talking. I realize this will require a considerable suspension of disbelief, but by doing so it will produce an amusing effect.

Pretend that the man is saying: "You filthy reprobate hound! I'll give you a thrashing!"

Now, pretend the dog is saying: "Grrrrr!"

My hand aches greatly from drawing. I don't think I will be doing this again. It's work for lesser individuals. Nevertheless, I trust my point is clear and I need not go on about it.

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