If You're Ever In Florence, You Have To Visit This Mediocre Trattoria I Know

Top Headlines



Tips For Traveling With Young Children

Family vacations can be a time for bonding and building lasting memories, but when young children are involved, trips can also be stressful to plan and execute. Here are The Onion’s tips for traveling with kids

Tips For Cheaper Airfare

Whether the busy travel season, fuel prices, or airline collusion is to blame, airfare is currently very pricey, making traveling more difficult. The Onion walks you through some ways to reduce the cost of flying

Keeping Your Possessions Safe While Traveling

Traveling during the summer can be fun and exhilarating, but nothing ruins a trip like getting your possessions stolen. Whether you’re hiking, road-tripping, or relaxing at a resort, here are some tips for making sure your items are safe during your travels:

Parents Worried Children Old Enough To Remember Family Vacation

YOUNGSTOWN, OH—Fearing that their kids’ impressions of the experience could quite possibly remain with them for the rest of their lives, parents Joel and Bethany Weyandt told reporters Tuesday they are worried their children are old enough to remember the details of their recent family vacation.

Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Spring Break Safety Tips

Spring break is an opportunity for many college students to travel, party, and make memories with their friends, but it can also lead to problems if people aren’t careful.

People Apparently Been Using Rest Stop Barbecue Pit

GREENVILLE, SC—Scrutinizing the ashes of charcoal briquettes inside the weathered firebox, motorist Matt Palmeri reportedly deduced Thursday that people traveling southbound along Interstate 85 have apparently been using the rest stop’s barbec...

Florida Resort Allows Guests To Swim With Miami Dolphins

MIAMI—Describing it as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get up close to the majestic mammals, visitors to Paradise Cove Resort raved to reporters Thursday about the hotel’s new program that allows guests to swim with the Miami Dolphins.

Humble Ascetic Declines In-Flight Beverage Service

NEW YORK—Choosing to fast in an apparent attempt to reach an elevated plane of existence, humble ascetic Jonathan Weaver declined the complimentary snack and beverage service during his flight from New York to Atlanta, sources confirmed Wednesday.

Last-Minute Holiday Travel Tips

Whether you’re rerouting canceled flights or changing destinations on the fly, nothing can be more stressful during the holidays than making travel arrangements at the last minute.

New National Park Caters To Business Travelers

PAICINES, CA—Hoping to encourage more busy professionals to visit America’s scenic natural areas, the Department of Interior announced this week the opening of Pinnacles National Park Express, the first federally designated preserve geared spe...

Area Mom Raving About Phoenix Airport

AURORA, IL—Noting its impressive collection of shops, restaurants, and transit options during a phone call with her daughter, local mother Carol Wingfield expressed her admiration for Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport in the strongest terms, ...

Busch Gardens Unveils New 9,600-Mile-Long Endurance Coaster

TAMPA, FL—Marking a bold new direction in amusement ride innovation, representatives from Busch Gardens officially opened a 9,600-mile-long mega-coaster Thursday designed to push the limits of human endurance. According to park officials, the Stamin...

Dad Clarifies This Not A Food Stop

DENTON, TX—Stressing that they were there solely to purchase gasoline and use the bathroom if necessary, area dad Mike Whitcomb clarified while pulling into a travel plaza Thursday that this was not a food stop.

Planning The Perfect Road Trip

With summer fast approaching, many people are planning long car trips to visit tourist attractions, see old friends, or simply hit the open road.

Visit Home Referred To As Vacation By Parents

PINE BLUFF, AR—Telling their son he should take it easy because he deserves it, the parents of 26-year-old Austin, TX resident Jason Gibney referred to the time he spent visiting his family in Arkansas over the Easter weekend as a vacation, househol...

Pilot Tells Passengers He’s About To Try Something

SAN FRANCISCO—Midway through American Airlines flight 1544’s journey from San Francisco to Dallas Monday, pilot Mark Dams asked passengers to please remain seated and fasten their seat belts for a minute while he tries something real quick.

The Onion’s Tips For Traveling Over The Holidays

You never know when you’ll get stranded at an airport or train station, so make sure you don’t go hungry by packing two large burlap sacks full of steak meat and apples. Exchange knowing glances with the TSA agent. You’re one of the goo...

Germ-Free Haven!

Tired of trying to stay clean all the time? Try this completely germ-free dwelling in the heart of the Arctic Circle, where no germs can survive!

Under The Porch

Listen to the soothing sounds of conversations with people who don’t know you can hear them while sitting on an old tarp near some cinderblocks.

A Tent In The Backyard!

Why can’t I just camp out in the backyard? Come on, it’s warm enough! Jared could stay over and we won’t be too loud.

San Francisco: The City By The Bay

This one-of-a-kind place offers food, sites, and people specific to it. There are ways to get alcohol and beds to sleep in at night, and the weather may be favorable depending on when you visit.

SeaWorld To Discontinue Great White Shark Ride

ORLANDO, FL—Citing flagging popularity and recurrent technical problems over the attraction’s 10-year run, SeaWorld Orlando announced that it will permanently shutter its great white shark ride, officials for the theme park announced Tuesday.

Everyone On Flight Annoyed By Screaming Kid Rock

LOS ANGELES—Passengers on flight 657 from Detroit to Los Angeles confirmed Wednesday that the trip was repeatedly disrupted by the noisy and obnoxious behavior of an annoying Kid Rock seated in the fifth row.

STD Had Awesome Time On Spring Break

PANAMA CITY, FL—Following a weeklong vacation in Florida, local sexually transmitted disease gonorrhea announced it had an awesome time during this year’s spring break.

Albany Bucket Museum

Learn about the history of buckets with a self-guided tour through the museum's four fascinating exhibits, then sit down and watch the hourly documentary about buckets and their role in winning America's independence.


Let’s go! Come on, it’ll be fun. Have you ever been to the Lucky Star Lanes? They turn on a bunch of neon lights and play disco music after 9!
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!



If You're Ever In Florence, You Have To Visit This Mediocre Trattoria I Know

So, I hear somebody's going on a little Italian vacation this spring. You lucky dog, you. Kelly and I were there for our 10th wedding anniversary last June, and we just had a tremendous time. Even though I know you probably have your whole trip planned out already, I want to say that, if you happen to find yourselves in Florence at any point, you absolutely have to set aside a night and visit this really middle-of-the-road little trattoria I know.

Trust me on this one. It's the most uninspired restaurant in all of Florence. If you do nothing else in the entire city, you have to treat yourself to this completely adequate place.

What a find! It's just an incredibly predictable little trattoria, right in the middle of the noisiest, most touristy section of the city. It was actually the first place we went to in Florence, believe it or not: We just kind of stumbled across it about 12 feet from our hotel. But boy, were we glad we did! It was like stepping into a much, much less satisfying version of an excellent trattoria. In fact, we ended up having dinner there every night, because we were too scared to actually wander outside our comfort zone and explore all of the amazing stuff that ancient city had to offer.

See, if there's one problem with Florence, it's that it's slightly overrun with quaint eateries and culinary marvels, which is what makes this middling little trattoria such a treat. The building dates back to 2004, so it's got a nice modern feel to it, and it's ideal if you want to avoid all of the old-world charm that's lurking off the main drag. You can soak in the atmosphere with about a dozen other Americans and enjoy some truly pedestrian Italian fare in a highly manufactured and impersonal setting. It's quite magical, really.

And the food? Mamma mia, is it acceptable! Here's the best way I can describe the dining experience at this place: Have you ever been really hungry after walking around all day and just needed something heavy and starchy to fill your stomach with? And you honestly didn't even care that the food you were stuffing down your throat wasn't very good because you were starving and didn't want to go through the whole routine of finding a well- respected restaurant in a nice neighborhood? Well, it's just like that. Only it's in Florence!

Oh, and do yourself a favor and order the Diet Coke and spaghetti. One bite and you are transported back to every run-of-the-mill spaghetti dinner you've ever had in your life.

I am so jealous that you get to experience this restaurant for the first time! I'm telling you, it's the perfect place to sit back with a nice, crappy glass of overpriced red wine and just live life the way someone who doesn't know anything about Italy imagines Italians live it. And just wait until you meet the owner, Angelo. What a nondescript character! Be sure to tell him I sent you. He will have no idea who I am.

I won't tell you a whole lot more, because I don't want to ruin this place's total lack of mystery, but let me just say this: If you want to have the most romantic day of your entire life, you can't do much better than browsing the shopping centers and trinket stores of Florence, heading back to the hotel for a nap and some TV, catching the half-off linguini-and- lobster-sauce special at this barely passable little trattoria I know, watching a street performer for a few minutes with 30 other tourists, and then heading back to the hotel for some more TV and a 10 p.m. bedtime.

Ah, Florence! I wish I were there all over again.

Travel Video