How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
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I’m Getting Bitten By The Oscar Bug…AGAIN!

For some people, March Madness begins in March, and it’s tied to college basketball, but not me! I start to go mad beginning in December, and it all wraps up right at the beginning of March, or the end of February lately. Of course I'm talking about the glitz, the glamour, the Oscars!

And what a season it is this year. Billy "The Best" Crystal is back to show all those John Stewarts and Steve Martins how it's done. As far as the films themselves go, there have been so many unexpected surprises, twists, and turns this season that you would need an expert to figure it out. Fortunately, that's where your Humble Hollywood Helper Jackie Harvey comes in.

I tried to be fair and see all the movies, as I do every year, but with a schedule like mine, it's not always easy. While I love the book The Giving Tree, I was scared away from the Terrence Malbec movie version after hearing from a lot of people that it was very long.

Also, I went to see The Artist, but it was hard for me to see what all the fuss was about. To be fair to the filmmakers, the sound was all messed up at the screening I went to and I couldn't hear any of the dialogue. It's a good thing the leading man was French, so there were subtitles. I mean, not like you needed them. From start to finish, lead Damien Beecher overacted so much that everything was telegraphed. Hey, Damien, it's the Oscars, not the Hammys!

But enough about what I haven't seen, or haven't seen well. Let's get this Oscar party started right!

Breathe easy, I'll get rid of the elephant in the room right now. For best picture, the obvious choice is Help! Hollywood and I both love a good story about black people and white people helping each other, and Help delivered in spades! Emma Stone delivers a powerhouse performance, Olivia Spencer, who is black, gives a knock-out performance, and the movie has a very powerful message: Don't be racist, and women can make a difference.

It gets a little trickier from there. Smart money would put the little statue for Best Actor in George Clooney's oh-so-capable hands for his part in The Descent, since he's only won once, and that was for supporting actor for Syria. Not so fast though, because Jackie Harvey's never been one to take the smart money. My gut tells me that 2012 is the year of Gary Oldman, in part because British actors always have the edge, but also because he was robbed in his turn as Doctor Smith in the sadly overlooked Lost In Space movie.

I bet you're "close" to figuring out who is going to win for Best Actress in A Leading Role. Keep thinking about it. Getting any "close-r?" Well, if you picked Glenn Close, then you're right on the money! With two wins under her belt for Sophie's Choice and Kramer Vs. Kramer, Glenn Close is no stranger to the ceremonies, and her turn as Queen Elizabeth in That Iron Lady was nothing short of amazing.

Since Pixar didn't release a movie this year, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Rango is the best bet for Best Animated Feature. Or maybe Panda Boy 2. Yeah, forget Rango. Pandas are very popular at the moment, what with the looming ecological disaster threatening to make them all extinct. Lizards don't have quite the same cachet since they can live pretty much anywhere, I'm fairly sure. I don't know all the science, really, but put your chips on Panda Boy 2.

Now for the Jackie Harvey 2012 Academy Awards Picks For Films That Were Released In 2011 Lightning Round! For Best Actress In A Supporting Role, hands down, Melissa McCartney, because she was so brave. Best Actor In A Supporting Role, Seth Rogen's son Jonah for holding his own against Brad Pitt. And finally, the Academy Award for Best Editing goes to Thelma Schoonmaker, because I could actually follow what was going on in that crazy movie Hugo. Talk about avant-garde!

I'd share more of my picks, but I can't give away ALL of my secrets. For all I know, you might be betting against me! Just kidding. ;-P

Well, time to wrap things up! I have to go check out a hot lead that Cher has a daughter that had gender reassignment surgery. Come back for that, because you're not gonna want to miss it. Until then, I'll see you…on the outside!

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