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I'm Going To Make A Great Mom Someday

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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I'm Going To Make A Great Mom Someday

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my future lately: what kind of life I want to have, what kind of person I want to be, all that stuff. It seems like nowadays, women are more concerned with having a successful career and being independent for a while than they are with settling down and raising a family. The world’s a changing place, after all, and you wouldn’t necessarily think that a single woman in her 20s such as myself would ever dream of having children. But I have to say, the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced it’s something I want to do.

I really think I was born to be a mom. And when I do have a baby of my own, I just know I’m going to be the best mom in the whole world!

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Casey, what would a young, pretty, unattached girl like yourself want with a baby?” Fair point. I am only 26 years old, after all! Nevertheless, I have to say, as I’ve gotten older the idea of having a baby has started to seem more and more appealing to me. Lately, it’s been on my mind a lot, in fact: the nursery, the baby carriage, the cozy little cradle—I want it all! I can already picture myself outfitting my baby with all sorts of cute little clothes and toys. That all just sounds like so much fun. And I really think I’m going to be wonderful at it.

It’s weird to even be admitting this, of course, because I never thought I’d feel this way. After all, there was a time in my life when I wasn’t sure motherhood was really for me. The idea of having a baby just seemed like such a drag, you know? All the little chores and responsibilities. And on top of it all, I didn’t even really like babies! I just had to sort of play along when other people would see a baby and talk about how cute it was. I remember thinking, “Ugh, no way! Not for me!”

I don’t know, though. I guess I get it now. My maternal instinct must have kicked in hardcore or something, because I am all about the idea of motherhood these days. I’m not saying I’m ready to have a baby tomorrow or anything. Having a baby isn’t something you should just rush into. But some day in the future I definitely want to be a mom, and when it does happen, you guys, I’m seriously going to be the best mom in the world. You have no idea. I am going to just spoil my kid rotten!

I’ll want to find the right guy, of course, which I imagine won’t be too difficult. I’m a bit of a catch, if I do say so myself!

Granted, having a baby is a big responsibility, and it’s not a decision to be made lightly. You definitely have to make sure your finances and your personal life are in order first before you just suddenly decide to have a baby. That’s why I’m going to be prepared when I have mine, whenever that time comes. I just want my baby to have the best possible life, because nothing will be more important than that. I’m even going to read all of the baby books so that I will be like an expert in having a baby! Just call me Supermommy.

For the time being, though, there’s no reason to rush into things. I’ve got plenty of time to think this through. I’m thinking I’ll wait until I’m maybe 28 or 29 and then that should be about the perfect time. I just want to make sure I do this right.

God, I hope it’s a girl.

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