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Entertainment

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
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Entertainment

I'm The Toast Of Vaudeville

Forget Milton Berle! Forget Fanny Brice! Forget the Ritz Brothers! They don't hold a candle to me, because I'm the Toast of Vaudeville! I've done it all—crooned with Cantor, joked with Jolson, and tap-danced at the Palace with Gypsy Rose Lee.

I'm a headliner, a juggler, a ventriloquist and a tenor all wrapped up into one showbiz colossus. First, I warm 'em up with a little acrobatic derring-do, followed by an old Irish ditty my Mama used to sing to me, then I send 'em rolling in the aisles with a little seltzer down the pants! Just throw on the spotlights and grab onto your seats, because you ain't seen nothin' yet!

Whether I'm doing one of my Gilbert & Sullivan medleys, riding my golden unicycle, or taking a custard pie in the puss, you can bet the house will be packed to the rafters. Why? Because the name Benny Fielding means one thing: non-stop entertainment!

Nobody leaves my show unsatisfied. I've done all the big venues—the Hippodrome, the Rialto, the Colonial Theater in Boston—and wherever I've been, the Fielding name is legend. They can't help but recall my trained seal act, my bawdy limericks, or my scandalous fan dance.

Eddie Foy, eat your heart out!

After my show, you won't catch anyone throwing rotten tomatoes or threatening me with "the hook." When that audience sees me up there on bended knee, dressed in my red-and-white striped suit, clutching my straw hat and singing "Sweet Adeline," a shower of roses crosses the proscenium arch and the audience's tears of joy are punctuated by thunderous applause.

Some people say Vaudeville is dead. They say the moving pictures and the phonograph cylinder are putting live shows out of business. They say that one day, people will be able to enjoy high-quality entertainment in their own homes. Well I say fiddlesticks!

Nothing can replace the song-and-dance man as the czar of entertainment. Who wants to pay to stare at a wall when the finest names in showbiz are performing right next door for 25 cents? It's the Harry Houdinis, the Edgar Bergens and the Sophie Tuckers who are keeping burlesque alive and well in the '90s!

Why, just yesterday, Mr. George M. Cohan sent me a telegram thanking me for including his numbers in my act. I said, "George, if you'd just stop writing all those patriotic songs and write a nice love ballad for me, you and I might become the Wizards of Tin Pan Alley!" I was joking, of course, because it's George's songs that are helping our fighting men in the trenches of Europe.

No, friends, Vaudeville is as timeless as the minstrel show, as precious as the can-can, and as ever-changing as the one-liners of Henny Youngman. And as long as I, Benny Fielding, have anything to say about it, the live stage show will stay aloft longer than the plates in my famous plate-spinning routine.

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