In Sex Sales, What You're Really Selling Is Yourself

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Vol 39 Issue 28

Bush Not Heard From For Over A Month

WASHINGTON, DC—Beltway insiders and members of the media expressed concern Monday that President Bush has not been heard from for nearly five weeks. "I hope he's okay," said Secretary of State Colin Powell. "It's just like him to go off on a fishing trip to Alaska or something and not tell anyone. Which is fine. I mean, he's the president and can do what he wants and all that, but we kind of need to wrap up this whole Liberia thing we started." White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan admitted that he was unclear about the president's whereabouts, but figured he must be "off somewhere busy with something."

Hot New Secretary Of Transportation To 'Shake Up' U.S. Highways

WASHINGTON, DC—In a press conference announcing the replacement of Norman Mineta, vivacious new Secretary of Transportation Kyla Damon unveiled plans Tuesday to "shake up" U.S. highways. "You think you've seen negotiation and implementation of international transportation agreements and the issuance of regulations to prevent alcohol and illegal-drug misuse in U.S. transportation systems?" Damon said. "Well, think again!" Damon added that her first order of business would be to "say so long to that dusty old fossil known as the Federal Highway Administration."

Area Man Overly Proud Of Never Wearing Underwear

LITTLE ROCK, AR—Local record-store clerk Greg Oertel, 23, seems inordinately proud that he never wears underwear, Oertel's coworkers told reporters Tuesday. "I've heard Greg mention about 10 times that he never wears underwear," coworker Jake Hannah said. "He acts like he doesn't care what we think about it, but I'm beginning to suspect he does." According to his friends, Oertel insists that he gets hot when he wears underwear, so he "just doesn't bother," and that "it's no big deal." 

Widower Misses Sex With Dead Wife Terribly

SCOTTSBLUFF, NE—Nearly one year after a car accident claimed the life of wife Sarah, Lloyd Monreal still misses having sex with her "more than I can say," the 44-year-old reported Tuesday. "Even now, every room in the house reminds me of the times we had sex in it," Monreal said, fighting back tears. "I don't care if 40 years go by. I'll never forget her breasts, her ass, those thighs." In honor of the anniversary, Monreal will eat a quiet dinner at home, after which he will take out a box of old photographs and perform a one-hour masturbation vigil by candlelight.

Man Trapped Under Boulder Braces For Possible Good Morning America Interview

YOSEMITE VILLAGE, CA—Rock climber Scott Prichard, 31, who has spent the last 48 hours with his legs pinned under a boulder on Glacier Point, is reportedly bracing himself for a possible interview on Good Morning America. "God, Charles Gibson, that chubby weatherman with the wisecracks," a sweat- and urine-soaked Prichard said. "I pray Diane Sawyer doesn't ask me if I wanted to climb the Point 'because it was there.' I just would not be able to stomach that kind of inane chit-chat." Prichard then passed out from the intense pain. 

Troops To Stay In Iraq

U.S. military officials recently announced that thousands of soldiers will remain in Iraq for longer than previously stated. What do you think?
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In Sex Sales, What You're Really Selling Is Yourself

The younger women come to me nearly every day and ask, "Traci, what is your secret? How are you so successful, while I struggle every day just to make ends meet?" I smile, because I used to be like them: insecure and afraid. That was before I developed my patented Three-Point Plan™, the only sure-fire path to spectacular success. It starts with one simple lesson: In sex sales, what you're really selling is yourself.

Your prospective clients want to do more than just buy a service from you. They also want to buy your attitude, your style, your body. You are offering a service, but you are also offering yourself. What is really "up for sale" is you. Remember: Details matter, from the miniskirt to the perfume to the heels. You need to wear what makes you feel your best and also says to the customer, "I am a professional, sexy woman, and I'd like to spend part of the evening with you." When a man walks out of your motel room, he wants to feel like he's just fucked a hundred dollars.

The next point is just as important, but often forgotten: The customer always comes first. His needs and his desires must always come before yours, no matter what else is going on in your life. You can try to sell a man your body, but if you're preoccupied with thoughts about your own ego, your own fears, or the child you left home alone with the excuse that you were running out for cigarettes, you're not going to close the deal. If you're serious about success, you have to be focused on your prospect's needs at all times.

Remember this: Being sensitive to a client's needs sometimes means telling him what his needs are. He is paying for your expertise, so don't be afraid to take control of the situation if he seems to need guidance. Some customers, however, know exactly what they want. With those types, it's best just to listen. A little trick that has proved invaluable over the years is to repeat what the customer says. For example, if a man says, "I want to fuck you," I often repeat, more quietly, "Fuck me, yeah." This gives the buyer a sense of satisfaction. He is being listened to, and his needs are being met.

A customer can always tell if you are genuinely interested in satisfying him. Remember: A satisfied customer is a repeat customer. And repeat customers translate into less time on the street corner, more time in the bedroom, and more money in your pocket. It's not always easy, but I leave my troubles at the motel door. The more empty I'm feeling, the more pride I take in silencing my woe-is-me monologue and focusing on my customer's desires and the repetitive creaking of an old motel bed. There is a time for my own needs, but it is certainly not when I'm with a client.

Point Three is closely tied to customer satisfaction, and is the key to a long and prosperous career in the world's oldest profession. The best way to be financially secure is to rely on your personal contacts and connections. As a sex saleswoman, you are only worth as much as people are willing to pay for you. If you follow Points One and Two—that is, if you find customers, sell yourself to them, and make sure to satisfy each one—you'll end up with a strong client base, a network of valuable contacts in the business. That way, you don't need to fret if your pimp goes to jail, or if your corner gets busted by vice. No matter what, you'll be in business as long as your customers have your phone number.

Also, in sex sales, you need to learn how to take rejection professionally, not personally. When you approach trucks parked on a highway's frontage road and ask the drivers if they want to party, you're going to hear "no" a lot. But a good sex saleswoman understands that even the top sellers on the block get rejected more often than not. Even if you get rejected four times out of five, you were still able to sell yourself once successfully. And that one man, if you treat him right, will come back for repeat business, helping to ensure your financial future.

Now, let's review the Three-Point Plan. One: In sex sales, you're selling your whole self to a paying customer. Two: A customer's satisfaction must be your number one priority. And three: Good connections and contacts are the only way to judge your worth as a sex saleswoman, and to secure your financial future. Follow this simple plan, and you can be as phenomenally successful as I have been.

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