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Is This The Mattress Showroom From The Commercial?

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Mom On Vacation Marveling At Time Difference Compared To Home

SAN DIEGO—Having already pointed out when everyone back home was getting off work and when the local nightly news was starting, area mother Pam Westin spent much of the first day of her family’s week-long California vacation marveling at the time difference compared to where they lived, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Relaxing Tea Better Fucking Work

SMYRNA, DE—Saying he needed to be transported to a tranquil, untroubled state of calmness pronto, local man Pete McCartin, 29, told reporters Thursday that a fresh-brewed mug of purportedly relaxation-promoting tea had better fucking work.

Parents Into New Snack Now

BALLSTON, NY—Noticing they had both a Lightly Salted and a Tomato Basil version of the previously unknown product in their cupboard upon arriving for a visit home this past weekend, Jared Randall, 26, confirmed Wednesday that his parents are into a new snack now.

Mom Declares Garage Her Next Big Project

DES MOINES, IA—Announcing to family members it was getting “just about impossible” to find anything out there, local mother Pam Westin, 53, declared Friday that the garage is her next big project, sources confirmed.

Emergency Crew Rushes To Pull Child Out Of Football Huddle

CHESAPEAKE, VA—Saying they immediately feared the worst when they saw the child in such a treacherous, life-threatening situation, onlookers confirmed that an emergency crew rushed onto a local sports field Wednesday afternoon and moved quickly to pull a young boy out of a football huddle.

Office Manager Unveils New Rule

WARREN, MI—Stipulating that the regulation would take effect immediately, Summit Industries office manager Angela Werner reportedly unveiled a new rule Tuesday in a company-wide email.

Aunt On Facebook Casually Advocates War Crime

WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Arguing that it was time to deal decisively with the threat of terrorism, local aunt Deborah Massey casually advocated a war crime Monday in a brief Facebook post, sources confirmed. “Any city that has ISIS people hiding out in it needs to be bombed to the ground.

Mom Learns About New Vegetable

MERRILVILLE, IN—Excitedly sharing the news with her husband and two teenage children, local mother Karen Tyson, 49, learned about a new vegetable Wednesday, sources confirmed.

Cover Letter Specifically Tailored To Company Even Sadder Than Generic Ones

BEDMINSTER, NJ—Wincing noticeably as they read the applicant’s claim that he has “always wanted to work for the leading midsize pharmaceutical advertising and brand strategy group in the tri-state area,” sources at Percepta Healthcare Communications confirmed Tuesday that a cover letter specifically tailored to their company was much sadder than any of the generic ones they had received for a recently posted job opening.
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Is This The Mattress Showroom From The Commercial?

Someone pinch me. Harder! Am I mistaken, or is this the mattress showroom made famous on all those TV commercials? If I stand right here and I turn my head from left to right, it should be just like I'm the camera in the "Memorial Day Spectacular" spot. Oh my God, it is! This is it. I'm really actually standing in the largest mattress showroom in the quad-county area.

So this is where all the magic happens.

I bet most people never get to see behind the scenes of a high-profile mattress wholesaler and factory outlet. Although I've got to admit, this showroom looks a lot smaller in person. I'm surprised that they can hold the state's largest selection of mattresses and sleeper sofas in a space this size, but I guess it makes the feat even more impressive.

Look at the fluorescent lighting, the carpets, the decorations, the signs on the headboards here. Man, there's got to be at least 20 years of commercial history within these walls, from St. Patrick's Day blowouts to Thanksgiving Day closeouts. There's a $599 price tag, just like the one good old Don the Mattress King tore to pieces in the "Attack of the Price Slasher" spot in 1999. And I knew those trucks in the parking lot looked familiar from somewhere, but it just hit me: They starred in the "Free Delivery Fridays" promotion all through the summer of 2005!

Isn't that the mattress from the Independence Day "Independence from High Mattress Prices Sale" commercial? The one where the owner's children bounced on the bed dressed like the Statue of Liberty and Uncle Sam? Those kids probably have no idea now, but they are going to look back in a decade and realize just how lucky they were. Imagine spending your childhood hanging out in the real live mattress showroom that's advertised on television every single day.

Oooooh! This is new. I haven't seen these streamers on the ads before. Unless—oh my God—are they shooting a commercial right now? That would make my life. Everyone back home would absolutely lose it if I told them I saw a mattress showroom commercial being filmed up close. I'm sure I'd be telling that story to everyone I met until the day I died. But I don't see any cameras or anyone in any costumes, so I guess I jumped the gun. Too bad. I should have known they'd wait until after hours to film a commercial so they don't get all sorts of oddballs in the background.

Man, it'd be such a thrill to be one of the guys lying on a mattress in one of the commercials. They must be professional actors, though, to keep up with the Mattress King.

Wait—is he here? Is Don the Mattress King actually here, practically giving away mattresses? Yes! There he is. Wow. I am such a big fan, but I don't want to bother him. He's probably being approached by fans all the time. I don't want to be one of those guys—but when am I going to get another chance?

Mr. Garbelli! I'm sorry to disturb you while you're selling such a high volume of mattresses, but I am a huge fan of you and all your work. I've seen every commercial you've made ever since you were the sponsor of "Queen Ghoulie's Late Night Fright Film" back in the '80s. I've always looked up to you, and I think my girlfriend's got a little crush on you. It's a dream come true to finally meet you.

What? Oh. Well, I'm actually not in the market for any new bedding right now. I know you advise people not to come to the warehouse unless they're ready for the deal of their lives, but I'm actually pretty happy with my current mattress. But can I get a picture with you?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey look, buddy, just because I already have a decent mattress doesn't mean you have to be a dick.

Man. That guy used to be so cool. I guess all the fame must've gone to his head.

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