It Hurts My Feelings When You Leave Before The Credits Are Done

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Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history

Netflix To Temporarily Remove Every Movie Except ‘Hard Eight’

‘Everyone Should See It At Least Once,’ Company Says

LOS GATOS, CA—Saying that everyone, including all 65 million of its subscribers, really ought to see the film at least once, Netflix announced Tuesday that it will suspend all streaming content except Hard Eight for a full month.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of September 15, 2015

ARIES: Some things only become funny when you look back on them years later. Conversely, the events of next week will seem funny at the time, but as the years go by, society will gain sensitivity and learn to outgrow that sort of thing.

Your Horoscopes – Week of May 1, 2012

ARIES: You will experience unbounded happiness and success in every area of your life this week, unless of course there is something fundamentally and irreversibly wrong with you.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 18, 2015

ARIES: Your feeling of impending doom shall come to nothing again this week as the world continues to turn and your life goes on as normal. Perhaps you should consider feeling useless and stupid instead.

Highlights From ‘Go Set A Watchman’

Harper Lee’s buzzed-about new release, Go Set A Watchman, went on sale last week, taking the world by storm with its new investigations of Scout Finch as a grown woman and its divisive portrayal of her father, Atticus Finch, as a racist figure. Here are some highlights from the new book:

Leonardo DiCaprio Agrees To Donate It-Factor To Science

LOS ANGELES—Saying the gift would immeasurably improve their understanding of the ineffable quality that makes certain big-screen stars positively radiate, researchers at the University of California Los Angeles announced Tuesday that A-list actor Leonardo DiCaprio has agreed to donate his it-factor to science.

How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Comic-Con Survival Guide

San Diego Comic-Con is expected to draw more than 130,000 fans to Southern California this year to participate in cosplaying, attend panels, go to film screenings, and learn more about their favorite series. Here are some tips for surviving the four-day conference

Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 7, 2014

ARIES: Your belief that nothing can stop you will be tested this week by depression, procrastination, concrete barriers, dysentery, armed gunmen, and the unanimous passage of several laws targeted specifically at stopping you.

Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 23, 2015

ARIES: The universe, in all its wisdom, has a plan for everyone. Strangely, you’re supposed to be the nun who holds up a distributor cap and winks while the Nazis try to start their car.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 9, 2015

ARIES: Your death next week will seem in­explicable until people remember the ill-advised 1985 “cross your heart and hope to die” pledge you made to be best friends with Jenny Bosben.

New Music Festival Just Large Empty Field To Do Drugs In

Declaring the event a rousing success so far, organizers confirmed more than 45,000 people turned out Wednesday for the first annual Cavalcade Folk and Roots Festival, a four-day gathering that consists solely of a big empty field to do drugs in.

Director Seeking Relatively Unknown Actress For Next Affair

LOS ANGELES—Saying that he’s going for a certain look and will know it when he sees it, feature film director Peter Hastings, 52, confirmed to reporters Wednesday that he hopes to find a relatively unknown actress for his next extramarital affair.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 26, 2015

ARIES: You’re not sure if your new mousetrap is better, but due to its horrifying use of liquefying blades, the world will beat a path to your door out of sheer morbid curiosity.

Famous Television Finales

The award-winning AMC series Mad Men ended its seven-season run on Sunday night and drew critical acclaim for its final episode, a conclusion that many felt was poignant and satisfying. Here are some other memorable TV finales across the years

Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse

SOUTH BEND, IN—Fifteen years after first envisioning the path he hoped his professional life would take, local man Brent Gibbs is still planning his future around being the drummer for Los Angeles-based alternative rock band Lifehouse, sources confi...

Fox Revives ‘X-Files’: What To Expect

After months of speculation, Fox has announced that it is bringing back its hit ’90s TV show The X-Files, about a team of FBI special agents investigating unsolved cases about strange and paranormal phenomena, for at least six new episodes...

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 24, 2015

ARIES: Your belief that everything happens for a reason may remain unshaken in the face of personal tragedy, but you'll certainly be upset when you find out the reason is "to get the Zodiac some chicks." 

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 10, 2015

ARIES: As long as people don't look too long and the lights aren't too bright, no one will be able to see where they tried to fix your face from what will happen to it this coming Thursday. 

Nation Delighted As Many Famous People In Same Room Together

HOLLYWOOD—Expressing their immense personal satisfaction at the gathering appearing on their television screens, millions of Americans across the country were reportedly delighted Sunday night upon seeing many famous people in the same room together...

Half Of Hollywood Test Group Screened Placebo Film

LOS ANGELES—Saying the methodology helps them ensure unbiased results in their marketing research, studio executives at Paramount Pictures confirmed that during a Hollywood test screening this week they showed half of all theatergoers a placebo film...
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It Hurts My Feelings When You Leave Before The Credits Are Done

Please don't take this the wrong way. I'm sure you don't like being told what to do. But seeing you walk out of the theater the moment the credits start to roll, well, it really hurts my feelings. I may not have been the director or one of the stars of Changing Lanes, but I worked very hard in my capacity as assistant to Mr. Affleck.

Did you ever stop to think that behind every name on that movie screen is an actual human being? Did you think second-assistant "b" camera Allan Katz was a fictional character? Were you under the impression that key mod technician Fred Newburn is not a flesh-and-blood human with loved ones? I realize that in a major motion picture like Changing Lanes, the credits are pretty long. But is five extra minutes sitting in a comfortable movie theater too much to ask to make someone feel better about their work and their life?

I don't mean to come off like a martyr. I didn't have the hardest job in the world. As big stars go, Ben Affleck is a really easygoing, down-to-earth guy. But even the best of actors can have their moments. I won't get into any particulars, but it got pretty hairy during those final days of shooting. There were moments when I got pretty down on the whole Hollywood thing. But when I saw my name up on the big screen for the first time, a feeling of pride surged through me. I thought, "I guess it really is worth it. I mean, there's my name, up there on the screen. For a brief moment, millions of moviegoers across the country will see my name and think about my contributions to this film."

How wrong I was.

When I looked around the theater I was in, I noticed that no one stayed through the credits long enough to see my name, except for one guy sleeping in the back. Even my mom almost didn't see my name because of people walking in front of her. I thought, no one knows or cares about who I am. When you put yourself out there so much and no one stops to take notice, it really hurts.

Is it the end of the world if you don't know that it was Dan Palansky who assisted Mr. Michell in the super-8 segment? I'm not going to lie and say it is. But I will tell you that Dan did a wonderful job, and that his friends were so excited and proud that he was able to work on a big film after years of toiling on little films for bagels and coffee and no health insurance. I was excited for him, too.

As long as I'm getting things off my chest, let me tell you something else. We're all pretty sick of the joke, "Man, that best boy sure was awesome in this movie!" You probably don't even know what a best boy is. Not that you care, but a best boy is the assistant to the gaffer (the electrician in charge of lighting). The rigging best boy for Changing Lanes was Gene Hoeschen. And you know what? He did do a great job, and he really would have appreciated it if you'd paid him some respect instead of spoiling his big moment by cracking wise.

Maybe you could rent the Changing Lanes DVD and watch it at home. That way, you could freeze-frame on the credits and take the extra few minutes to read the names. It's not like you're in a rush to get out of there. You're already home.

And if you have a few more minutes to spare, go to the Internet Movie Database ( to see what else the people in the Changing Lanes crew have worked on. That way, maybe you can learn a little bit about how films work, in addition to paying a small tribute to those behind the scenes.

Tell you what. Just read a movie's credits once, as a favor to me, and see if it doesn't deepen your appreciation of all the work that goes into making a film. I bet it will. Then, next time you see a movie, you can amaze your friends by explaining the various important jobs they miss out on learning about by skipping out on the credits. Go on. I dare you.