It Would Be An Honor To Serve My Country, Return With PTSD, Sit On A Mental Health Care Waitlist, Then Kill Myself

Top Headlines

Recent News

How To Reform The Nation’s Prison System

With pressing issues such as overcrowding, overuse of solitary confinement, and the long-term incarceration of nonviolent offenders, many critics of the nation’s prison system are calling for sweeping reforms. Here are some of the proposals to improve the prison system:

Sight Of 400 War Elephants On Horizon Marks Hillary Clinton’s Arrival In Swing State

WHEELING, OH—Feeling the earth shake beneath them as they watched the procession climb over the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains toward their village, sources along the Ohio border confirmed Thursday that the sight of 400 war elephants marching on the horizon marked Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton’s arrival to the critical swing state.

WNBA MVP Devastated After Roommate Moves Out Without Any Warning

CHICAGO—Saying she is now desperately searching for any options that will prevent her from being evicted, Chicago Sky forward and 2015 WNBA MVP Elena Delle Donne was reportedly left scrambling Thursday after her roommate moved out of their apartment without any warning whatsoever.

Impressive New Hire Figures Out Bare Minimum Of Work Job Requires On First Day

MILWAUKEE—Marveling at his extraordinary ability to learn the ropes at the technology firm and quickly fit right in with the rest of his colleagues, sources at Starpoint Solutions confirmed Thursday that impressive new hire Eric Myers has already figured out the bare minimum of work his job requires on the very first day.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage


College Freshman Decides To Be Lanyard-Wearing Kind

ANN ARBOR, MI—Emphasizing that this was not a choice he had made lightly, University of Michigan student Kevin Peterson told reporters Thursday that he had officially decided to become one of the lanyard-wearing kind of freshmen.


  • ‘Our Town’ Cast Party Going Off The Rails

    PEEKSKILL, NY—Describing a wild scene in which performers and stagehands were loudly conversing, laughing, and occasionally breaking back into their characters from the play, sources confirmed Sunday night that the cast party for the local production of Our Town is currently going off the rails.

It Would Be An Honor To Serve My Country, Return With PTSD, Sit On A Mental Health Care Waitlist, Then Kill Myself

Ever since I was a kid I dreamed of joining the Army. So as soon as I could, I went down to my local recruiter and enlisted, knowing full well that I'd probably be sent to Afghanistan. Now, with my first deployment less than a week away, there's only one thing on my mind: how incredibly proud I'll be to fight for my country, experience crippling psychological trauma, wait indefinitely for the proper health care, and then eventually become so depressed and mentally ill that I commit suicide.

It's what I've always known I was born to do.

It's a matter of principle, really. From a young age I was taught that throughout our history, Americans have had to stand up and fight for the freedoms we enjoy. I always knew that when the time came, I would serve with honor and nobly suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder until my only recourse was to end my own life. So it's with eager anticipation that I head off to the battlefield to defend, be ignored by, and then—left all alone, with my personal demons closing in—kill myself for the land I love so dearly.

Honestly, it would be my distinct pleasure and privilege to not get the medical help I need for injuries suffered while risking my life for my country.

That's why we take the oath, isn't it? To do our jobs with humility and valor, and to come home haunted by visions of our commanding officer, who promised he'd bring everyone back alive, being blown to bits by a cleverly disguised roadside bomb? In my mind it doesn't matter what unspeakable horrors I witness, I'll just be grateful for the privilege of having to wait at least six months to see a VA psychologist and in the interim turn toward alcoholism and drug addiction until I decide the only path to relief is putting a bullet in my head.

I know no greater honor than relying on an agency with a backlog of more than half a million claims that can't get its shit together enough to transfer its paper files to a central computer.


I'm reminded of all the patriotic men and women who came before me. Those who had the chance to accidentally breathe Agent Orange in Vietnam and never get a proper diagnosis, only to become estranged from society, spiral downward into homelessness, and eventually freeze to death in an alley alone. And let's not forget the thousands who nobly returned from Desert Storm with a mysterious illness the Army never fully admitted or identified the cause of, a syndrome resulting in chronic pain that prevented so many from ever being able to hold down a steady job.

Knowing about the care they deserved but didn't receive fills me with great pride for my country. And it would be a true honor—this soldier's duty, really—to follow in their footsteps.

But let's remember that behind every soldier are the loved ones whose sacrifices are no less important. You'd better believe I'm looking forward to coming back from war and having to drink a fifth of Jack Daniel's every night just to fall asleep, and even then having nightmares so powerful my wife has to shake me awake. Lying in bed racked with anxiety, she'll no doubt see her husband as a hero whose untreated illness puts her at constant risk of being physically harmed.

And to see the look on my child's face as he watches his own father, fresh off the battlefield, crying in a fetal position in the corner of his living room because he can't get the help he needs, even though he's been calling doctors for three straight months—tell me, is there any feeling greater than that? I don't think there is.

So when I finally can't take it any longer and decide to check into a hotel to end my own life, please know that I have but one simple request: My agonizing struggle and tragically preventable death should be the last thing on anyone's mind. Because the only thing that's important for someone like me, who will be dedicating his life to serving his country, is that my government lets me waste away until I become a shell of my former self.

That's what being an American soldier is all about.