Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Jackie's 10 Best Entertainment Moments of 2007!

Item! Should old acquaintance be forgot? No, it should be remembered and celebrated. And what better way to remember our favorite acquaintances—celebrities—than by counting down the 10 biggest celebrity moments of 2007! Are you ready, celebrity friends and celebrity fiends?

Live Earth!

When I was younger, there was a concert event that swept the world, and that was Live Aid! All the greats were there: Phil Collins, Ashford and Simpson, Ultravox, the Four Tops, you name them and they played! I was too young to go to any of the performances, but I was swept up in whatever cause it was for, and in the music. I made myself a promise that if there were ever such a rocking event again, I wouldn't miss it for the world. Then, this year, it was announced that Live Earth would be another global concert held for global warming, with tons of bands and Al Gore. Wow! The thing was, it was right during July Sweeps, so I couldn't go. I did watch parts of it on AOL, though, and it was pretty good.

Bob Baker Leaves The Price Is Right!

Big money. No whammys. STOP! But it's too late. The Whammy has taken one of our greatest television personalities off the air for good. I have three cats, and every time I pet them, I say a quiet thanks to Bob Baker for reminding me to spay or neuter them. Farewell, sweet prince.

Shrek 3 Fever Hits Our Shores!

You could run from this green ogre and his sassy donkey, but you couldn't hide. Shrek 3 fever hit our shores, leaving millions afraid that they wouldn't be able to hide from this entertaining malady. The only cure for this incredibly infectious disease? Laughter! And fortunately, that's one of the symptoms!

Rosie Leaves The View

Baker wasn't the only one who left a void in daytime television. The View, daytime programming's oasis of sanity for women, lost one of its strongest voices. Rosie O'Connell is one of the brassiest dames out there, and the silence from her abrupt departure was deafening.

Posh Spice Moves to the U.S.!

Years after The Spice Girls broke up, Posh Spice was shrouded in mystery. That veil of secrecy came down when she and her football-playing husband decided to take up residency here in the good old U. S. of A. And it's about time! We could use a little royalty here. I mean, we got Princess Fergie, but she's become a lot less royal since she started singing about her humps, whatever those are.

Everyone Went To Jail!

I promised not to mention them until they cleaned up their act, and with one out of rehab but without a blockbuster under her belt, and one pregnant out of wedlock, there's only one left who seems to have turned over a new leaf. So I officially dust off the name Paris Hilton and say, "Welcome home, sister!" I think that 2008 will really be the Year of Paris.

Whoopi Joins The View

After endless weeks of waiting, the question "Who will be the next View talker?" was answered with a resounding "Whoopee! It's Whoopi!" Any fears people had that the woman filling the seat wouldn't have the outsider view of a world-famous celebrity were put to rest.

The Matrix Reloads!

The new View host wasn't the only lingering question in people's minds. The question of what would happen to Keeneau Reeves character Nee-Yo was finally answered as well. I can't give it away, because I'm no spoiler, but let's just say that he sure can dance! Now if only they would resolve The Ring Trilogy.

The Reunion Shows!

The Police. The Eagles. There were probably more, but those are the only two I cared about. Could a dream double-bill be in the future? I can only imagine a Policing the Eagles or Getting Pulled Over in the Fast Lane tour. Imagine? I'm already in line!

Jackie Harvey Loses 10 Pounds!

The haters said it couldn't be done, but I showed them. What's my secret? I cut down on the cupcakes and did a little more time on the Nordic Trek. And if I can do it, so can you!

Wow! What a year that was. It made me a little sad that it was all over, but it makes me more eager than ever to see what 2008 brings. Will Viggo Morganstern grow his beard back? Will Will Smith drop a new joint? Will Kate Pearson from the B-52s ever answer my letters? I know one thing: The only way to tell for sure is to check back next time and see what's inside the Outside. And for my New Year's resolution, I resolve to be a leaner, meaner (but still nice) entertainment journalist, digging deeper than ever before. So until then, bring the popcorn, and I'll see you on the Outside!

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