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What Is The Alt-Right?

A recent speech by Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton criticizing the “alt-right” movement and its support of Republican nominee Donald Trump has shone the national spotlight on the ideologically conservative group. Here’s what you need to know about the alt-right

Aunt On Facebook Casually Advocates War Crime

WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Arguing that it was time to deal decisively with the threat of terrorism, local aunt Deborah Massey casually advocated a war crime Monday in a brief Facebook post, sources confirmed. “Any city that has ISIS people hiding out in it needs to be bombed to the ground.

Dad Shares Photo Album Through Never-Before-Seen Website

SECAUCUS, NJ—Wondering aloud how the father of three even managed to find the online image-hosting service, family members of local dad Phil Yates told reporters Monday the 57-year-old had shared a photo album with them through a never-before-seen website.

How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

NASA Discovers Distant Planet Located Outside Funding Capabilities

WASHINGTON—Noting that the celestial body lies within the habitable zone of its parent star and could potentially harbor liquid water, NASA officials announced at a press conference Thursday they have discovered an Earth-like planet located outside their funding capabilities.

A Primer On Everyday Sexism

Though opportunities for women have increased considerably over the past century, insidious everyday sexism continues to inform the female experience. Here are some commonly asked questions about this pervasive form of discrimination

Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.
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Meat

Meat. Lots of meat. Piles and piles of meat. Meat slices. Turkey slices, ham slices, slices of chicken breast. Roast beef, pastrami brisket, mesquite smokehouse beef brisket, knockwurst, and franks.

Meat.

Meat between two pieces of bread. Sandwiches. Sandwiches with a lot of meat. Bologna sandwiches, salami sandwiches, corned beef sandwiches. Not tuna sandwiches. Meat sandwiches. One big sandwich with Boar’s Head pastrami, ham, and turkey breast all piled high with mustard and lettuce and tomato. Reubens. Nice, lean corned beef Reubens. Russian dressing on Reubens. Reubens made with Boar’s Head corned beef. Kraut. Pastrami on rye. Good pastrami. Boar’s Head pastrami.

Refrigerators filled with meat. Walking into a store and seeing Boar’s Head meat. Big meat trucks taking meat from Boar’s Head to the people who sell Boar’s Head in their store. Butchers carving up meat. Carving up a loaf of honey-glazed meat. Big Virginia ham. Succulent ham. Good-tasting Boar’s Head ham. Hickory smoked chicken breast with honey mustard. Cured meat. Uncured meat. Juicy, tender, and smoked.

Meat. Meat. Meat. Meat. Meat. Meat.

Pork. Pork loin. Putting pork loin in your mouth and chewing it up. Going to a delicatessen and ordering some Boar’s Head pork loin and some Boar’s Head smoked sausage and some Boar’s Head London Broil, taking it all home, and putting it all together with some Boar’s Head Black Forest ham.

Boar’s Head capicollo ham is good meat. It’s Boar’s Head meat.

Boar’s Head does cheese. And meat. Cheese and meat and sauces. With the cheese it’s three-pepper Colby Jack cheese, Swiss cheese, havarti, and other kinds of cheese, like cheddar. With the sauces there’s sweet sauces and not-sweet sauces. Boar’s Head Sweet BBQ Sauce is a sweet sauce and Boar’s Head Horseradish is a not-sweet sauce. You can use the sauces for the meat. Cheese is good with the meat. Mustard is good with the meat. The meat is good by itself but the meat is good with sauces, too. And the cheese.

Boar’s Head doesn’t do steaks but I like steaks. I like the meat in steaks. I like porterhouse steaks and rib-eye steaks. I like New York strip steaks, and I like T-bone steaks. Beef tips with gravy is good. Veal is good. Lamb chops and applesauce. Tender meat. Prime meat. Meat that slides off the bone. Good-smelling meat.

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I like Boar’s Head meat. I don’t like other kinds of meat because I don’t think it’s as good as Boar’s Head. I don’t know other brands of meat. I know Boar’s Head meat. Boar’s Head makes meat. If people have questions about Boar’s Head meat I can answer them because I know Boar’s Head meat. Do we have Sweet Slice Boneless Smoked Ham? Yes. Do we have Cajun Style Seasoned-Oven Roast Beef? Yes. Do we have Lemon Pepper Roasted Chicken Breast? Yes. We have all that kind of meat and a lot more meat.

If somebody came up to me and asked if we did vegetables I would say no. I would say we do meat. If somebody came up to me and asked if we did fruit I would say no. Fruit isn’t meat. There are no vegetables or fruit in our meat. Olive loaf is an exception and not the rule at Boar’s Head. Meat is the focus at Boar’s Head.

I’m talking about meat right now. Meat is good. Meat is important. Meat is meat.

Meat.

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